To Lose or To Gain II: Flames of the Future (AtLA Fanfic)

Family Flames

Nightmares.

There were definite nightmares that stayed with Zuko after the events of the Agni Kai, but so did what Azula said to him. "The Fire Nation has lost a much-needed general in this war."

Azula's words cut deep, his mind knowing full well she blamed the loss on him, nor could he so easily forget the smell of burnt flesh. Both would plague his dreams at night, causing him to wake long before the sun began to rise, leaving him to look around the room, the room which once belonged to his cousin Lu Ten, while his mind attempted to sort through his thoughts.

And one thought was stuck there. "There's a darker side. There's a darker side to the Fire Nation, and there's a darker side to grandfather." Thankfully, when the nightmares would be chased away, and life went on as if the Agni Kai had never happened, only for small things to occur that would remind him of what happened. "I can't place a finger on it; what's bothering me, that is."

Zuko found himself staring in the mirror, thinking such things about how there was definitely something bothering him as he dressed in the uniform that all the students at the Fire Academy for Boys wore, the excitement at finally being able to attend singed slightly from having dealt with such a nightmare. Nor did attempting to focus on the good happening to him do anything to chase away the lingering memory, mainly when the nightmare from last night was one of the ones that involved him seeing the face of the one his grandfather burned being burned despite Akira's father sheltering him from that particular sight.

He smiled. "Don't worry. Akira and Hideki will be there, waiting for you and walking with you. And you'll be in class with Hideki, who's quite excited about that. Academia. Not Akira, though, as he's older. It's going to be fun, hopefully. I mean, what could go wrong?"

There was part of him that screamed anything and everything could go wrong, his mind lingering on how so many things had gone wrong, even though being Iroh's child, the child of his uncle, put something on the up and up. His mind knew that yet couldn't help but feel certain doubts in his head regarding that particular path. He took a deep breath, heading out and to where he always ate with his grandfather, knowing Akira and Hideki would be there.

"Susu!"

"Kiya?" Zuko's eyes blinked as the servants opened the door for him, all of his worries quickly rushing away at the sight of his youngest sibling, who held her little arms up, begging for him to hold onto her.

"Susu!" Kiya called out as Iroh lifted her from his lap so that her older brother could take her in his arms, nestling her face next to his, knowing full well that Susu would eventually morph into Zuzu yet not caring, knowing full well Kiya spoke with him with a level of love and admiration he'd never received from Azula.

And he smiled at his mother, putting on all the charm he could. "I'd not expected to see you and Kiya here, mother."

"Well, it is your first day at the academy. I couldn't very well miss that, could I?" Ursa said, smiling at her eldest to make Zuko feel at ease.

"Are you excited about your classes?"

Zuko instantly wished he hadn't flinched at his grandfather speaking, still loving the man and the kindness he'd shown. Yet, he very well couldn't erase the memory of the Agni Kai from his mind, blaming himself for stumbling into the situation as he had forced his grandfather's hand while also realizing just how scary his grandfather could be. However, sometimes he wondered if he only had a fraction of the idea. "Good morning, grandfather."

Which was undoubtedly better than the week right after where he struggled to speak with his grandfather, let alone look him in the eye, yet he felt he'd been rather curt with the man, and he regretted it instantly, not wanting a distance between them. Not like it had been between him and Ozai. Azulon watched, then said, "It will, as Iroh said, take time."

"Take time?" Hideki's head darted up, Akira elbowing him.

"The Agni Kai," Akira likely whispered.

"Sorry!" Hideki muttered as Zuko came closer, sitting next to his friends and sitting Kiya in his lap.

"Don't forget to feed yourself," his grandfather said, brushing off the somewhat awkward moment of the Angi Kai even being brought up, which felt strange given how Agni Kai was meant to be honorable things.

"Don't forget that the Agni Kai occurred in the first place because the general was being dishonorable," Akira said. "Father said as much. But don't forget," his older friend said more than once, "that the general crossed the line by acting the way he did towards a Fire Lord's family member."

Which felt wrong because Zuko didn't think it right that the royal family should be treated any different than the rest of the Fire Nation. Only Hideki had made his own point. "I get what you're saying about us being treated as equals, which you and I are, but there are definitely certain ways the royal family should be given special treatment. They are, after all, an important cultural symbol to our people. This is a weird saying to you, given that we're friends."

Zuko smiled down at Kiya, still unsure as his mother spoke. "Oh! Please don't forget to feed yourself while spoiling your sister! I know you're quite nervous about your first day, Zuko, but you'll only make yourself sick if you don't properly eat. And Akira's grandmother prepared you a lunch so that you can fit in with the other boys, and nobody hopefully notice."

"I'll be sure to thank her when I get home and can see her," Zuko said. "I'm nervous?"

"Of course you're nervous," Iroh laughed, Akira chuckled, and Hideki remained silent. "Just like Lu Ten was, and I was."

"Were you nervous about attending the girls' school?" Zuko asked.

Then came the silence, and then, "I never attended."

"You didn't?"

"Well, for starters, I'm not a Firebender," Ursa said.

"But you can attend if you're not, right?"

"Well, yes. My teacher, though, was your grandmother, and to be honest, I don't think I could have had a better teacher. You would have liked your grandmother, Zuko."

"Yes. You would have," Azulon said. "She was an amazing woman, like your mother, a fiery spirit all the way. And she survived raising a rapscallion of a crown prince as well as his obstinant younger brother. She would have taught you as well, some of the things she taught your mother, though not everything."

"Not everything?"

"Father," Iroh cleared his voice. "You know, girly things."

"Um, okay," Zuko frowned. "Azula would not have liked that."

And there came another silence, and he wondered if he'd said the wrong thing, bringing his sister in for a moment. Ursa looked at her lap. "I wonder if she'd be the way she is if the Fire Lady was still around."

"She definitely would not. Ilah would have put Azula in her place," Azulon said. "I definitely believe she could have done what we could not."

"I see."

"Come on. Eat, Zuko," Akira said. "Don't me take Kiya from you so that you'll eat."

Which brought a squeal from Kiya, who didn't want to leave his lap. Zuko stared at his little sister, then smiled, feeling as if he were in a better mood. "I guess I need to eat then, right?"