BALH2 Reimagined

Reimagining E84: Ram Ka Ateet (Part1)

She realised what it was that was bothering her. That expression. It was the one he wore when he felt beholden to someone. He adopted it while pacifying Shivina's goading tantrums, while taming Shubham's recklessness, while agreeing to Mom's umpteenth stipulation...Oh my god, she felt her insides roil. Did she make Mr. Kapoor feel that way? Inadequate, unless he satisfied her every whim. Had she inadvertently been making him choose between her and his family, between her and Vedika? Just like they made him choose: them or himself, over and over again?

This was precisely why she had told him she didn't need him, hadn't she? She didn't want to be another demanding presence in his life! Even as she tried to exonerate herself, she knew that Mr. Kapoor's sense of duty defied the logic of self-preservation. He was a people pleaser. And he would never be satisfied until he could make everyone in the room smile. 

Priya felt herself still, as another thought rattling around her head clicked into place. She thought of the "Mr. Hyde version" of her husband; the one who said and did things completely in opposition to his sunny personality. She had come to assume the ruthlessness was simply a flip side of him; he was a successful businessman after all. But that wasn't quite right. This version of Mr. Kapoor often felt like a husk of his usual self, moving through the world straitjacketed.  

Could it be, she thought breathlessly, that every time he turned persona non grata, he was doing so out of the obligation to please someone else? And then, as if she had flipped a switch, the past misunderstandings between them shifted to take on a new colour. She recalled a smug Shubham delivering her the prenup agreement, Nandini sidling up to her on karva chauth with the annulment papers....and today, Vedika...   

A part of Priya knew that there was no real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Mr. Kapoor was a 38-year-old man as accountable for his selfless actions, as he was for his hurtful ones. But knowing what she did about his twisted fealty to his step family, some of the wind went out of her sails. She ached at how they had both been shaped by the expectations of family--she in defying them at every turn, and he in surrendering to them. But Mr. Kapoor still had one lesson to learn. It was much easier to piss people off than please them.  

She replayed the night's events at Silver Moon hotel; truly appreciating how difficult it might have been for him. Had he been paralysed by the million different ways he could end up hurting someone, if he took the wrong step? Suddenly, it felt small to hold his weakness against him. She didn't need to be told twice how old habits died hard. And yet, she thought warmly, he had invited her to try. In a normal marriage, people can be angry with each other, he'd said bravely. That didn't sound like a man that didn't care, did it? 

She thought about where they went from, from here.

It felt punitive to reject his help outright; but it felt equally exploitative to ask for it at every opportunity. She was not built that way. The needy constellation of characters in Mr. Kapoor's life kept him on his toes enough, she thought grimly. No, she didn't want to enable the idea that his only purpose in life was to serve her. What did she want with him, though? 

The right to be angry with each other. In her experience, anger in a marriage had been toxic and uni-directional--spewed from man to woman. She didn't know how the emotion could be wielded into something healthy, purging a relationship instead of setting it on fire. She guessed that Mr. Kapoor didn't have much experience with healthy anger between couples, either. In a marriage that seemed to encounter misunderstandings around every corner, anger was only a recipe for disaster. Her head hurt. She was not ready for the emotional vulnerability Mr. Kapoor was calling for. Truth be told, she didn't think he was either. 

You only had to look at him now. It had been nearly five minutes of his watching her with puppy-dog eyes, with nary a word. Having had enough, she swivelled to ask him what he wanted to say. She didn't know what it was, but something about the watchfulness in Mr. Kapoor's eyes, just pushed her buttons. So instead of displaying any of her newfound empathy, she raised an eyebrow impudently, goading him for a reaction. His nostrils flared but, disappointingly, he bit his lip and stabbed at the music player instead of engaging her. 

aye zindagi gale laga le
humne bhi tere har ik gham ko
gale se lagaaya hai, hai na!
aye zindagi gale laga le...

Suresh Wadkar's voice floated into the space between them, the last thing either of them had expected. Ram immediately scrambled to switch off the music. But he'd jabbed the button so ferociously, it was stuck in place. 

humne bahaane se, chhup ke zamaane se
palkon ke parde mein ghar bhar liya

Wadkar's breezy vocals continued, oblivious to Ram's efforts, exposing the tension in the car for the ephermal thing it was. 

tera sahaara mil gaya hai zindagi
la la la la la la la
tera sahaara mil gaya hai zindagi

Priya took one look at Ram's bewildered face hunched over the music player--he really had the most expressive eyes--and burst into laughter. As her laughter grew louder and louder, she heard him break as well. Their joint reasonance magnified the sound, until the whole car seemed to be dancing with mirth. 

aye zindagi gale laga le
aye zindagi gale laga le....

So many loose ends swirled between them--Akki-Vedika-Subham-Sid-Shivi-trust-love-compromise-mistakes-forgiveness--but they all fell to the wayside. Ram and Priya laughed for the unexpectedness of this moment, for the travesty of a night it had been, and for the unerring hilarity of a life that had brought together two people so different, and yet so alike.   

Some time later, as she massaged her abdomen sore from laughter, she recalled the half-joking vow Mr. Kapoor had made at their engagement. Maybe this is why we're getting married, to make each other laugh?  Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Kapoor. It seems like it has the power to come true. 

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Note: Hi there! If you're a new reader, thanks so much for making it to this corner of Wattpad. If you're a returning reader, welcome back! Thank you so much for the support. You're one of the reasons, a random post on Wattpad has become an ongoing thing. I hope you had/have some fun, here! Would love to hear your feedback, regardless :)  

I was always puzzled how Ram and Priya went from the angst in episode 83 to total nonchalance in episode 84. This chapter was an attempt to smoothen the transition. I had originally planned to weave in both Ram and Priya's POV, but Priya seemed to have a lot to mull over this chapter! (and yet, I didn't get to her thoughts on Vedika, smh) So I'm hoping to do a part 2 with Ram's POV.