ᴅᴇꜱɪɢɴᴇʀ||ᴋ.ᴋᴏᴢᴜᴍᴇ †

chapter 18†

“(Reader), I hardly know you. We don’t know each other. You don’t know what I’ve been through and I don’t know what you’ve been through, it’s not just gonna work with a snap of a finger”

“I know! I‘m not forcing you, i just want you to be comfortable”

“I need time… I don’t fully trust you yet, nor do I trust any of your friends.”

Hearing that hurt a bit, but I couldn’t blame him. We only met about 2-3 weeks ago…

But something about the way he said it. Why did it hurt so much? “No matter if you trust me or not, I trust you and I’ll wait for you to trust me too…”

“That’s the problem. You're too trusting. That’s why you end up getting hurt.”

“What’s the problem with me being trusting? Is it not a good thing to put faith in people?”

“Not if they’re old men at a party for teenagers. I know you went into the room with him voluntarily. You just didn’t expect him to pull that. It’s not your fault it happened, but you have to learn not to trust people so easily.”

“... what are you saying? I shouldn’t trust you because you’ll hurt me?”

“Not because I’ll hurt you, because you don’t know me and what I most likely will do. I don’t want to hurt you. I’d kill myself, for fuck’s sake. Being around you makes me feel so jealous and when a guy comes and hooks around you, it makes me feel even worse. It’s horrible.” He felt that all this time?

The constant flirting I did?

The way I acted?

The teasing?

Am I really that bad of a person?

“(Reader)...” his voice cracked, and I looked up to see his nose was red with glossy eyes.

“Please get out.” he continued, and I looked down at my hands as they clawed at his sweatpants. “Sorry,” I muttered, pulling myself up to leave. I felt so guilty. It was so obvious he was feeling that way, but I was too stupid to see it. I’m gonna be sick…

I made my way back to my room, grabbing my blanket and cuddling up with it in the fetal position. I hate being so sensitive. ‘Dont cry (Reader)... it’s not your fault…’ is what I’d usually say, but I can’t. It is my fault he feels that way.

Why do I want his validation so badly?

Why am I feeling so many emotions?

It’s too much for me to handle.

A knock on my door alarmed me, and I poked my head out from under the blanket, spotting Hiro with an apple in his mouth. He noticed my glossy eyes and wiped the juice off his lip.

“Whats up with you?” he sat down on the bed next to me, trying to tug the blanket off.

“It’s kozume.” I gave him a weak smile.