Better Off Alone (Adopted by Brendon and Sarah Urie)

34. Callie

PopPop walked in on me on the bathroom last night. I was scared he was going to do what my dad used to do. So I slammed the bathroom door.

A little while later, while I was curled up on my bed, waiting to see if he was going to come in anyway. The light for the door being knocked on went off and Mom came in.

She sat down on my bed and rubbed my back, asking me if I was okay. I said I was, but that PopPop scared me. She said he hadn't meant to, he just wanted to go to the bathroom and didn't know I was in there, too. Mom reassured me I was okay, and that PopPop wouldn't hurt me, but she can't know that for sure. My dad was supposed to take care of me, and he hurt me. Mr. Carver was supposed protect me. He hurt me too.  And Brian Carver. And Aaron Cunningham. People who were supposed to protect and take care of me hurt me all the time. So why should this be any different?

I told Mom I was fine and she gave me a kiss and tucked me back into bed.

I tried to stay awake the rest of the night, in case PopPop wasn't as safe as Mom said, and tried to come into my room.

I waited until I thought maybe everyone would be back in bed and snuck down to the kitchen. I went into the knife drawer and found a big, sharp knife. That way I could protect myself if PopPop wasn't safe. Or Dad. I'd only been here a little while. Maybe Dad isn't safe either.

I put the knife carefully under my pillow and held the handle while waiting to see if the door handle would move.

At some point, I guess sleep overtook me because when I opened my eyes again, the sun was shining.

I checked carefully under my pillow and saw the knife was still there. I got up, got dressed, used the washroom, after checking no one was in there and locking the hallway door. Once I was done I unlocked the door, in case Granny or PopPop needed the washroom, and opened my bedroom door. The other rooms' doors were open so I guessed everyone was awake.

I went downstairs, slowly because I was still really tired.

I saw Mom and Dad in the kitchen and granny in the dining room. And then I saw PopPop. At first I felt embarrassed and then scared. I started moving towards the stairs to go back up to my room and get the knife in case I needed it. Dad stopped me and explained that PopPop felt badly that he'd scared me. Then my phone vibrated in my pocket and PopPop had texted me that he was sorry he scared me last night and that we'd have to come up with some way of knowing when one of us is in the bathroom. I smiled. Okay, maybe he's okay. No one who ever hurt me worried about scaring me. I was hanging on to the knife still, though.

I texted PopPop and said: 'maybe we should just lock the door? If I lock the hallway side, you know I'm inside. If you lock my bedroom side, I'll know you or Granny are inside.'

PopPop smiled and nodded at me.

'That makes sense. I'm so sorry I scared you last night,' he said again.

I smiled and signed "it's okay".  He looked at Dad, who told him what I said. PopPop smiled at me.

Mom asked me to help bring breakfast to the table. She'd made eggs and waffles and bacon. It all looked and smelled so good.

"Want to cut up some strawberries?" She asked. I nodded and took out the small knife. I cut up the strawberries that Mom had taken out of the fridge and cut them up. I put those in a bowl and grabbed the yogourt and granola that I knew Mom sometimes liked. I wiped the knife and slipped it carefully into my back pocket. I then carried all the strawberries, yogourt and granola out to the dining room.

We ate breakfast and I know PopPop and Granny were talking to Mom and Dad, leaving me out of the conversation. I watched carefully for any sign that they were suggesting I be sent away. No one seemed angry and PopPoo kept winking at me and smiling. I started to wonder what he was meaning by it. It was making me uncomfortable.  I felt my back pocket for the small knife I'd stowed there. The handle was just poking out of the top.

"What should we do today?" Dad asked and signed after he got my attention.

I shrugged. PopPop said something but I didn't catch it. Dad nodded and looked at me.

"Should we stay home and hang by the pool? Granny and PopPop want to get to know you better."

I shrugged. Whatever they wanted, I guess.

"How about we stay home for a little, then maybe we'll go out for lunch, and maybe to the beach?"

I shrugged again.  I wasn't picky.

We cleaned up from breakfast and put the dishes away. Granny helped Mom and I.

"Go put your bathing suit on," Mom said. "Go swimming with Dad and PopPop. I'll join you in a little."

"I don't feel like swimming," I said. "I'll just sit outside." 

Mom nodded. No way I was changing into a bathing suit and being alone with PopPop. I still wasn't 100% sure about Dad yet, even.

I looked outside where Dad was talking to PopPop and decided to wait inside for Mom and Granny to be ready.

I was careful to make sure they didn't know I had the knife in my back pocket. Just in case.