Hold me tight

22.

"I'm sorry. Also that what Margaret told you.. I didn't know she can be that mean." He apologized.
I let my hands slide down, and then I played with my fingers.
"But is it true what she said?" I almost whispered, feeling nervous. I was scared to see his reaction, but still I watched him. He opened his mouth and was about to say something, he looked confused.

"Saga.. I'm not that kind of person anymore.. maybe I was like that years ago when I was younger. No.. you're not a one night stand." He walked closer, he kept the eye contact.
He stood in front of me, close.
Somehow my gaze wandered from his eyes to his lips, but I didn't want to be that obvious. Quickly I moved my eyes back to his blue ones. He smirked a bit. I felt him touching my hand, sliding it slowly up. It made shivers to my body.
But I had to ruin this moment.
I had so many things in my mind, I needed answers.

I looked down at our hands.
"Eevi told me that Olli has acted weird after the.. thing. What was he like when you were on gigs and stuff?" I spoke with my uncertain voice. Joonas didn't seem to be disappointed when I kinda ruined this moment we had.
He was stroking my both arms slowly, it made me feel calm and safe.
"Distant. He also did one interview with Niko, but before that he was frustrated. He was kinda mad, he didn't talk to anyone. And when we asked that what is wrong and does he want someone to replace him.. he just told us mad that we shouldn't worry about him and he can do it. It was hard for him to smile and act happy, Niko said so." Joonas told me calmly, it made me feel bad. Bad for Olli, and bad for Eevi.

I leaded us to sit on the couch, I put some blanket over me, I felt cold.
Joonas took a deep breath before continuing, he clearly had more things to tell.
"I remember one night in a hotel, we shared a room. It was a long day, everyone were tired and we wanted to sleep right away. I layed down on my bed, trying to get some sleep.. Olli was at the bathroom. I heard him sobbing, it made me open my eyes and sat up. I asked that is everything okay.. he said that he's just tired and that's all."
I started to feel even more bad. I watched Joonas' face, he looked so worried now. He stared my empty walls, and his gaze was.. empty.

"But I didn't give up. I stood up and walked in front of the bathroom door. I told him to open it up, first he refused. But eventually he gave up. I saw his red eyes, face covered by dry tears.. it made me almost cry too. It's.. fucking hard to see someone you love being so.. lost and sad. We hugged, he said he's missing Eevi. He wanted to be close to her, and that they would hold each other and cry together..." he explained quietly, moving his gaze into me slowly.

"But why did you go drinking last night? He would've had the chance to be close to her right away on time..." I asked confused, I think he heard how sad I felt too.
I saw him struggling, he shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head.
"Niko acted just stupid around Olli. He told us how he would've had become an uncle and stuff after he suggested us to go drinking. Maybe Olli got mad about it and.. well you saw him."

I shook my head slowly.
"I hope Eevi and Olli can talk about it. I want them to be happy again. Seeing the love between them is making me to believe in love too." I said quietly, hugging my knees.
It was silent for a few seconds.
The silence made me feel anxious, so I decided to move my gaze slowly on him.
He was looking at me already, I swallowed.
"You don't believe in love?" He questioned frowning, but still his face looked pretty normal.

I shrugged my shoulders.
"It's hard to believe that someone could ever love me like that."
He lifted his head up a bit, then he looked at me up and down. I felt like his gaze was scanning me, like I was naked.

"I know that feeling. Thinking about it every day." He responded with lower tone.
I started to feel shy. And he saw it. He probably enjoyed it, I saw his small smirk.

"What about the tattoos? You still want to get those, like we would have the same tattoo..?" He then tried to change the subject.
"Like.. friend tattoos?" I smiled and frowned. He nodded.
"Something like that. Shall we take them.. next week?" He asked, I nodded smiling.

It started to rain outside pretty heavily, and suddenly it was also dark in this apartment.
"You've been smoking..." He mumbled quietly, I tried to hide my grin. I looked at him.
"Sorry..." I said quietly, he shook his head grinning.

He decided to walk on a thin ice when he started to come closer to me.
Suddenly I started to feel hot in here, is it hot?
I don't know.
Now he was very close, I felt my cheeks burning.
His left hand was on my leg, he stroked it up and down slowly. He knew what he was doing, teasing me.
And each time when his hand was close to my knee again, he started to slide it up again, closer and closer to my private place.
My breath was getting heavier, and so did his.
That blanket was still on top of me, but oh god how much I wanted to throw it away, I felt so hot in here.
I dared to look at him, straight into his eyes. He looked hungry. His eyes darkened each minute.
He was smooth, because his left hand that was sliding up and down my leg, was suddenly touching my stomach.
And then he slided it under my shirt. His cold hands and cold bracelets touched my bare skin, making my body shiver and almost holding my breath.

"You can always say no." He whispered, not moving his hand anywhere, just holding it there.
Did I want to say no?
I didn't. I wanted him to touch me, make me feel things I haven't felt before.
His hungry eyes were studying my face. He leaned closer, our lips almost touching each other.
"I.. want..." I whispered with my weak voice.
His breath against my lips felt relaxing.
"Want..? What..?" He whispered back.

"You." I responded. Immediately his lips landed on mine, the kiss was sweet and gentle.
It was our first kiss sober, and this felt much more real.
The kiss changed into more passionate one, everything just felt so right and good.
His hand under my shirt stroked my stomach, but slowly it got up. I started to feel insecure about my body, so my hand fastly found it's place from his hand, holding it still.
I broke the kiss, and then we just sat there in silence, staring at each other out of breath.
"I'm just.. insecure..." I explained quietly, being disappointed. I lowered my gaze and blamed myself for breaking this moment, again.
He placed two of his fingers under my chin, lifting it up.
"You're beautiful. I would like to show you how much I adore you.. whenever you're ready." He said, and again, his words made me almost melt.
"You're so.. sweet..." I said, he took his hand away under my shirt.
"You're too." He smiled, it made me smile too.
We decided to cuddle, we layed down and he put his head on my chest.
We listened that rain, and I played with his blonde and curly hair.
"This is where I want to be..." Joonas mumbled against my chest, it made me smile even bigger, I placed a kiss on top of his head.

So sweet...
Thank you for reading this story and giving votes and comments, you're guys the best <3
Next chapter coming next week, maybe on tuesday or wednesday.
Until that, stay safe and strong🖤