Shine Of The Morning Sun - Asahi Hanemiya

Shine of The Sun: Part 1

[ First Person Point of View ]
PART 1

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- Growing up in such a rich yet dysfunctional family isn't something I'm proud of; all I see is an unexplainable atmosphere in our apartment hallways, fake smiles, and a cold family with no love at all. Turns out that I grew up in a home full of misunderstandings and pain. I was overjoyed that I was blessed with a complete family, but I never felt the love and care. Speaking of family, I am very lucky to have a brother who is a year younger than me and we share everything, but the only problem is that I don't understand him; it feels as if there is no connection between us at all. I wanted to be with him and spend my time loving my own sibling, but I also wanted to get rid of him from my life; I'm not sure why, but maybe I was just jealous of him and I never treated Kazutora as if he were a member of my own family; instead, the younger version of myself treated him as if he were nobody.

Every day that comes to some people is considered a blessing, but for me it was a curse because I always see and experience the same thing as yesterday. I always witness my mother and brother, crying and pleading to my father to stop hitting them. I'm not sure why they don't like him, but all I know is that my father, who is a businessman, appears to be a great dad when you look at him, but there is something hidden behind that good image of him; he is a man to be feared. To be honest, I am tired and used to this type of situation, but I feel bad because I have never been hurt or hit by our father, while our mother and Kazutora receive bruises and wounds every time they argue. Father treated me differently; he didn't pay attention to me, but he never beat me up not even once, so I assumed I was an exception and he loved me.

As I previously stated, I have a younger brother named Kazutora. Kazutora, like the other siblings, is sweet and nice to me because I am his older sister, but I, a person with a cold heart, never appreciated those. He always said that he was so lucky to have me as his sister because I was the only one he could talk to, but I didn't care about any of his words, I always invalidated his feelings, and I was only concerned with myself. I had many reasons why I disliked Kazutora, but one in particular stuck with me is that our mother is always on his side and always in his favor, which I had never experienced from her. Our mother disliked me more than our father. Jealousy infiltrated my mind and filled my heart with hatred. I really regret it.

I considered myself as a very rude type of kid back then because I thought that if I did that, I would finally get the attention that I craved, but I was wrong. I was always mean to Kazutora to the point where I blamed every mistake I made on him, I hated his existence and makes me want to hurt him every time he says he respects and admires me because I am an inspiration to him, it's just that I don't like him talking to me because I believed that if I got close to him, our father would change the way he treats me. On the other hand, I disliked our mother because I didn't get what I wanted from her. She never listened to me, but instead scolded me for nothing, and it's not because I'm a spoiled brat or anything. She made me feel like I wasn't even her daughter.

I couldn't believe I had become a child like that in order to receive the love I deserved. I wanted to make everything better, but instead I made things worse. One time, Kazutora's birthday was coming, and I wanted to be nice to him even for one day, I decided to get anything for him on his special day, but because since I'm still a kid at the time, I didn't have any money to buy things for him, so I considered stealing money from our father's wallet secretly, but I was so unlucky that he discovered that his money was missing. At that point, I'm shocked and nervous because he's starting to suspect me because I'm the only one he saw in that room. He yelled at me and angrily asked if I was the one who did it so he could punish me for what I did; I was frozen and couldn't even speak. I denied everything and immediately blamed Kazutora, claiming that he did it and that I was only there to find the missing money. I had no idea what was going to happen, but it went horribly wrong. Our father immediately punished Kazutora by continuously yelling at him, and the worst part is that our mother got involved as well. I can't even say anything for what I did back there, so I locked myself in my room, thinking I'd get away with it. My mind went blank, making me want to tell the truth but also making me want to avoid experiencing that. I just wanted to make my brother happy, but I ended up causing a problem in our family. At the end of the day, I realized that just because my feelings are valid doesn't mean that my behaviour is too.