Hold me tight

17.

"I don't remember the last time when I was at a beach." I said daydreaming as I watched the sea in front of us.
"Then it's a good memory for later that you were at the beach last time with me." Joonas said suggestively. I turned my head on my right to look at him, and I just stared at him amused.
Then my eyes landed on my drink that I holded in my hand.

"My mom used to tell me one reason almost every day.. one reason to live." I said quietly, hesitating. But those words just escaped from my mouth. Maybe I felt so safe and relaxed that my heart wanted to say them. Slowly I lifted my gaze up and looked at the sea. There was a couple of small boats far away. I felt Joonas' eyes on me.
"Sunset at the beach, and maybe sharing the moment with someone." I continued, quoting my mother's words.

I decided to look at Joonas then, he had a small smile on his face, and his eyes studied my face.
He took better position and kept the eye contact with me, he had something to say.
"And I'm glad that you're here with me tonight."

It felt like my heart skipped a beat, it was hard for me to hear such a words. He saw my reaction, but he didn't say anything about it.
I looked at the glass in my hand, I lifted it up to my lips and drank it all once. Joonas looked a bit suprised, but still pleased. I put the glass down, stood up and looked around. The couple which was further away from us, they were leaving. So, it would only be the two of us.
Joonas was probably looking at me in confusion, like what was I doing.
I started to take off my pants, I had my bikinis already on.
Then I took a grip of my shirts hem, I didn't feel insecure right now. I didn't care.
No one has seen my body, only Eevi yesterday when she checked how these bikinis look on me.
The shirt was soon on top of the blanket, I put my hair on a messy bun. Joonas stared at me, I saw him swallowing.
I took a few steps towards the sea, I smirked and turned my head a bit to look behind me.
"You coming?" I questioned. Joonas was still sitting there in the same position, staring at me, mouth a bit open.
He was freezing for a second until he drank his glass empty too, then it was his turn to take off his clothes.

I was in the water, and slowly I took steps further. The water was a bit cold, but it didn't bother that much. I heard Joonas coming into the water too.
Then I heard a splash, and quickly I turned around. Joonas was under the water then, but soon he came back to the surface. He shook his head and fixed his hair, I just walked further slowly.
"Come on! Don't be scared." Joonas grinned and swam next to me, I just showed him a murdering look.
"I'm not scared." I said with a lot of confidence, not knowing if it was true.
Joonas just kept grinning, I think I knew what he had in his mind.

He splashed the cold water on me, laughing and I just stared at him mouth open, shocked.
"You little piece of-" I started but for my disappointment he was faster.
"Shit? Oh, come on..." He grinned widely while standing up on his feet in front of me.
Then, we started a water fight. We splashed the water, laughing and chasing each other. I finally dived too under the water. The silence in there was relaxing. Until I needed some air, so I swam back to the surface.

"You want to know a fun fact?" Joonas asked smirking, I just frowned and gave him a questioning look, he was chuckling before even telling me the thing.
"One guy from our band peed on their pants while we were on tour at spring." He told me chuckling, I couldn't believe my ears that what I just heard.
I just looked around confused, but still very amused.
"What?" I laughed, he was laughing at too.

"It's a secret that who it was." He winked, I kept laughing confused.
"Do you have any fun facts about you..?" He asked carefully, his eyes wandering around, I stopped laughing but still smiled lightly.
I wish I had, but I don't. I did think of that, but nothing came up to my mind. My smile faded away slowly, and Joonas saw that. I looked at him, we both were a bit more serious now, and silent. We just were on the water, only our heads showing and a bit of necks.
"I.. really don't." I revealed, maybe I was disappointed. I was.
He has experienced many, many things. He has many funny memories, and he's so much more interesting person than me. I started to feel ashamed of myself.
But Joonas didn't want this night to turn out sad again.

"It's totally fine. I promise to show you life, so you will have fun facts and memories." He smiled.
It made me smile too, but I felt quilty. Why he wants to do that?

"And I want you to know that you don't have to. It's not your responsibility to.. take me everywhere and stuff..." I looked at the sunset for a second, then him again. The light of the sun made his wet hair look more like a color of cold.
"Hey..." He came closer and took my hand under the water, his actions made me freeze. But not in a bad way.
"I want to. Your mother used to tell you reasons to live and it's amazing.. I want you to experience and see them." His tone was calm again, and this whole moment was so calm.
I stared at him, speechless.

Soon we went back to the beach and to our blanket, I was getting cold, Joonas saw how I was shaking a bit when we sat down.
He gave me a towel from his backbag, I smiled to him as I wrapped it around me.
But it wasn't helping that much, I tried to hide the shaking.
"Can I..?" Joonas asked quietly as he opened his other arm to me, I looked at him for a second before doing anything.
I just nodded, I gave him the permission. So he sat closer to me, very much closer. Carefully and slowly he put his other arm around my shoulders, pulling my body closer to his.
"What's a next reason your mother told you, that you would like to do?" He asked, his warm voice from this close felt.. different in my body.
I gave myself time before answering, I had to think.
"New tattoos..." I said smiling, I turned my head to look at his reaction. He nodded chuckling as I stared his side profile.
"Let's do that next." He responded.

I let myself to rest my head on his shoulder, carefully. His calming breaths made me close my eyes. Only the warm wind and his presence made me feel good.
This moment felt good.

Oh, they are so sweet.
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It has been busy days, and busy days are also ahead. New chapter coming later this week, maybe on friday, or saturday.. we'll see.
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