Diary Of An Angelfish

The Good Samaritan Awards

First, there was the big bad Mr. Wolf, the villain of every story and leader of the pack. His paws were so quick, just spending a second near him would empty your pockets.

Then, there was Mr. Snake, said to be a serpentine, safecracking machine who would tell you the glass is half-empty, then steal it from you.

Next was Ms. Tarantula (aka “Webs"), an in-house hacker, pocket search engine and traveling tech wizard. She could crash the police's entire system in less than a nanosecond.

Next, there was Mr. Shark, the master of disguise. Apex predator of a thousand faces. His greatest trick? Stealing the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa! Yeah, I don't know how he pulled that off either.

And last (but not least ♥) was Mr. Piranha. He's a loose cannon with a short fuse willing to scrap with anyone or anything. Some say he's brave, others call him fearless, but I think we can all agree he's just plain crazy.

“To address this heinous crime spree is the newly elected governor, Diane Foxington," Tiffany added, and the camera turned to Diane at a podium.

“Okay, yeah, I hear you, I hear you," she said to the crowd. “Listen, listen, we all know how dastardly the Bad Guys are, but more than anything... I feel sorry for them. These so-called Bad Guys are really just second-rate has-beens. Behind their  amateurish antics and, frankly, unoriginal capers... I mean, really? Another bank?– is nothing but a deep well of anger, denial, and self-loathing. And those are holes that no amount of cash or priceless artifacts can fill. So, can we just forget about the Bad Guys–"

“Why do I get the feeling she's making them angry right now?" I asked.

“Whatever do you mean, Gabriela?" Marmalade asked.

“–and focus on more positive things?" Diane continued. “And what could be more positive than the annual Good Samaritan Awards? Where tomorrow night, I'll present the Golden Dolphin to this year's Goodest Citizen!"

“That's what I mean, sir," I replied. “They might try to steal your Golden Dolphin out of spite tomorrow night."

“Oh. Well, I don't think we have to worry," Marmalade assured me. “No one's ever stolen the Golden Dolphin and got away with it."

“The Crimson Paw got away," I pointed out. Never identified and never caught, the Crimson Paw was said to be the best bad guy the world had ever seen. Very sneaky and acrobatic, his or her greatest heist was stealing the Zumpango Diamond twice (first time for profit, second time just for fun).

“Yes, but he didn't go through with it or steal anything else afterwards. I'm sure everything will be fine."

🐺🐍🕷️🦈🐟🐹🦊🐠💍🪡☄️💋

The following night, I was home alone, again. Having nothing else to do, I just put on my dress and a pair of long black gloves and played the Good Samaritan Awards on TV.

“In the past year," Tiffany interviewed Marmalade, “you have stopped wars, fed the hungry, and saved countless pandas! Some have described your goodness only as second to Mother Teresa!"

“Oh, Tiffany, it's not a competition," Marmalade replied, seemingly flattered. “And if it were, it would really be more of a tie. But we can all agree that there is a flower of goodness inside all of us, just waiting to blossom."

I looked down sadly and gently rubbed the scar on the left side of my head. I knew the Professor was a good person, but I couldn't help but wonder... Wasn't I enough? I do my best to be as perfect as I can be, but I still felt inferior. And if I'm not good enough for the Professor... would I ever be good enough for anyone?