The Tortoise and His Sunrise | ✓

13. Succumbing

The sinking sensation in my chest developed into a crushing one. Did I really just yank my hand away from his? What was Nolan thinking now?

I didn't have time to say anything before Esther came into earshot.

"Hey," she said, smiling at me.

I made myself wave at her.

"Hi!" My voice came out more like a squeak.

Esther didn't give Nolan a second glance. Instead, her attention returned to her phone as she walked past us. Both relief and shame—for feeling relieved—flooded through me simultaneously.

With growing trepidation in my heart, I peeked up at Nolan's face to see his reaction. I hadn't dared to make eye contact with him while Esther had been in front of us.

He wasn't looking at me at all.

"Sorry, Nolan," I whispered.

Gripped by tense panic, I could barely continue walking.

"Hm? Why?" Nolan answered normally, as if I hadn't just pulled my hand away from his, as if I hadn't just showed him I didn't want Esther to see us holding hands.

"Uh..."

I searched for some kind of indication on his face that he was upset, but there was nothing.

Obviously having noticed my staring, Nolan quirked an eyebrow at me. "What's wrong?"

No injured tone, no hurt expression—nothing.

I didn't think I had imagined the whole thing from earlier.

"What I did just now ..." I said, finding it hard to get the words out of my mouth. "I got nervous and—I'm sorry."

"Why?" he asked, blinking at me with a questioning expression. "There's nothing to apologize for."

Giving me a confused smile, he ran his hand through his hair. When he lowered it, it went straight into his jeans pocket.

He wasn't reacting to it at all. Was he genuinely unbothered by it, or was he simply trying to appear unaffected?

I wanted to ask, but I knew that I didn't have the right to press him on it. I was the one who let go of his hand first. Who was I to ask him if he was putting on an act?

Deep down, I knew that this was also an excuse. I just didn't have the guts to ask him.

Even as we continued on to the dining room, both of Nolan's hands remained in his pockets. He didn't take them out once.

------------------------------------------------

"Seriously, I miss you guys so much," Melissa said to me through the video call. "I can't believe I'll finally get to see you next week. It feels like it's been years."

"It's almost been a year!" Ashley's voice came from my phone, but her face was nowhere to be seen. "Wait, has it?"

"Not really," I said.

Her side of the video call merely showed a plain white ceiling.

"Ashley, what are you doing?" Melissa said. "I don't want to see your boring ceiling."

"Deal with it," her disembodied voice said. "I'll show my face in five minutes."

Melissa's eyebrows drew together. "What? Why five minutes? What's going to happen then?"

"Come on," I chimed in. "Aren't you just in your room?"

Ashley's face slowly came into view. A white facial mask sat on her face, its mouth hole horribly misaligned with her actual lips.

After a short pause, Melissa said with a wide grin, "Oh. Is this why?"

Groaning, Ashley closed her eyes. "The part cut out for the nose was too long for mine! Don't take a screenshot."

Without actually taking a screen cap, I said, "Don't worry. I'll only save it for personal reference."

"Yeah, we wouldn't post it on social media," Melissa said. "Who do you think we are?"

Her camera icon immediately switched to 'off', and her video went black.

"I didn't take a screenshot! I was just kidding!"

"Lies!"

"I didn't either," Melissa protested. "I was too lazy."

"The camera's staying off until I remove the mask."

"I can't wait for this weekend," I said, holding my phone in my outstretched arms and rolling over in my bed.

Our upcoming gathering was something spontaneous that Derek had suggested to us halfway through the current semester. Since we were all free this weekend, he thought that it would be nice to meet each other while we still had the time. Even Cody was going to come along. We couldn't think of any place in particular we should meet, and we eventually settled on going to Boston for dinner.

Melissa beamed. "Soon! We're going to have so much fun."

"I have fun just by being with you guys," Ashley said.

I couldn't help but smile. "Me too."

I'd been spending the last few days eagerly anticipating this coming Saturday. In front of my best friends, Nolan and I could behave like a couple. None of them would bat an eyelash ... at least, not yet.

------------------------------------------------

AN: tysm for voting and commenting on the last chapter, everyone! hope you all have a great weekend, and please take care of yourselves and make sure to hydrate and get plenty of sleep! love you all ◟(◔ั₀◔ั )◞ ༘♡