Until my Final Breath (Shikimori's not just a Cutie fanfic)

Chapter 1: Guilt

... I wonder how long I can see this view ever again...

Walking into the entrance, I am feeling very nervous. Up to this point, I have not told my friends about my condition. I also have not replied to Inuzuka-kun's or Shikimori-san's messages. None of them knows I'm going back to school today, or in the other words, I don't want them to know that I'm going back to school today. It's not because I want to surprise them, it's just... I just didn't feel like I want to tell them back then.

And so, right in front of me, is what I fear the most...

Shikimori-san is taking her duty as a Public Morals committee member, perhaps this is her in-charge week. She is checking each student's personal appearance, including giving them advice on how to dress properly for school. As I said, I have not informed her that I am going to school today, but I guess it does not really matter, since she has to go to school earlier anyway. I remember Inuzuka-kun texted me about Shikimori-san was, well, not okay. However, judging from her appearance and behavior right now, maybe he was just over-exaggerated.

She looks... normal, unlike what Inuzuka-kun said. This is simply what she usually does every day, or when she has her duty week. It seems like nothing has happened since the day I was absent.

Maybe, in the future, she will be okay without me...

"... so that is why what you are wearing is unsuitable and I recommend you to try- Izumi-san!" As I was walking to the entrance, Shikimori-san saw me and called me out, making me stop in my track. I was surprised by her call, so I lower my face, and try to avoid eye contact. "Good morning, Izumi-san! Why didn't you tell me that you're going to school today?" She asked.

... why didn't I tell her, huh...?

Because of her question, I try my best to look up and catch a glance at her face. As I finally manage to gather all my courage to look at her, I can see she has a concerning look on her face, with her blue eyes reflecting her worries.

"What's wrong, Izumi-san? Do you still feel sick?" She asked, concerning about me, which I desperately tried not to answer her. "Or you are worried that you've missed a lot of lessons? Don't worry, I can lend you my notebooks if you want-"

"I'm sorry!" was what I managed to say, cutting her off from her question. She begins to back down a bit, maybe she is shocked because of what I said. Behind my back, I can feel that some students have stopped walking. I can also hear that some of them are whispering and gossiping about something, possibly negative. I take a deep breath and try to control myself. "Sorry... I've got to go. See you in class, Shikimori-san..."

"... Alright, see you then, I guess..." She replied, which allowed me to proceed into the entrance. On my way to getting in, I try to slightly turn my head around to catch her face one more time. She still has that concerning look on her face, but this time it is mixed with a little sadness. Seeing that sight hurts me even more, but I feel like that is the only way I could do to avoid her.

Damn, how I really want to curse myself for this...

~0O0~

"Take a seat, Izumi-san."

Right now, I'm in the homeroom teacher's office. Before I went to school, my mom had told me that she had informed my teacher about my condition, which I didn't want anyone to know, but I had no choice. My mom let me know that he would be waiting for me in his office before classes started. Since a meeting with him has been arranged, I have no choice but to meet him in person. Hence, I take a chair and take a seat in his place. To be honest, he has quite a relaxing office for a small place, with a lavender scent surrounding, suitable for a lunch break after classes.