Different

waking up

"You need to sleep," Sirius insisted again. "Claire is going to be mad when she wakes up and you're exhausted."

"I know, but I'm so scared that I'll go to sleep and she'll wake up," Remus explained, leaning forward and resting his forehead on Sirius' for a second before he leaned back in the chair, running his hands through his unwashed hair.

"I'll stay awake and I'll get you if she wakes up," Sirius assured the man. They had had this conversation many times before, but Remus was in such a daze from almost losing his daughter that it was like he couldn't remember. He kept thinking of how miserable he was when he wasn't a part of her life, and he didn't know what he would do if she died. 

"Thank you," Remus whispered. Sirius sent his friend a sad smile and helped him stand, wincing a little when Remus groaned at the pain.

"Do you want me to ask Snape for some Wolfsbane?" Sirius asked as he escorted Remus out of the room.

"I doubt he'd do it," Remus said. "You haven't seen how he looks at me. He thinks it's my fault that she's like this."

"It's not," Sirius promised the werewolf as they made it to his room. Remus sighed and fell on his bed heavily. Sirius sat on the floor so he could be at eye level and gently pushed back Remus' hair so it wasn't in his face, holding back a grimace from his badly it needed to be washed. Remus barely remembered to eat, so Sirius wasn't surprised that he hadn't washed his hair in what was probably a week. 

"But it is," Remus protested. "I'm the werewolf. I'm the one who gave her this...this disease. She should hate me."

"She doesn't. She absolutely adores you, Moons. You know that," Sirius said, his eyebrows furrowed in sadness. 

"She won't even call me dad," Remus argued. 

"Dumbledore made you abandon her," Sirius reminded the man. "He practically threatened to reveal that you were a werewolf just so you wouldn't talk or see Claire. It's not your fault, and Claire knows that. Plus, I was gone for twelve years, and still seems to adore me just fine."

"You're not her dad," Remus said, much ruder than he intended. He sighed and sat up at the sad puppy eyes that Sirius gave him.

"I want to be," Sirius said in what was practically a whisper. 

"Pads,....it's not the time," Remus sighed. Sirius moved so he was sitting on the bed, grabbing Remus' hands.

"When will it be time?" Sirius asked. "I would do anything for you...for you and for Claire, and you know that. Please, Moons...I love you."

"I...I love you too," Remus admitted, looking away when he saw the hopeful look in Sirius' eyes. "But Claire needs me right now. I need to focus on her."

Sirius was silent for a moment, removing his hands. 

"Please understand," Remus pleaded. "You know how I feel, it's just...it's too much."

"I know, I'm sorry for bringing it up," Sirius said, having to clear his throat before he started talking. "I just thought that we were...that we were finally back to where we used to be when Claire was first born. I just can't keep pretending that I'm not madly in love with you. We were great together, Remus, and I want that again."

"You should probably go sit with Claire, just in case," Remus answered, completely ignoring how he wanted to just pull Sirius as close to him as possible and never let go. Instead he stood up and made his way to go shower, ignoring the man he left broken hearted. 

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