A New Way of Living

Chapter Thirty

"Man, you're on another level, baby," he said, before chucking the book to their feet and rolling over so he was on top of her, planting kisses against her neck.

"I would be if you let me study," she laughed, pressing him away.

"Is there anythin' you don't know?" he asked, pulling back to watch her.

"I don't think so," she replied teasingly. "Isn't that lucky for you?"

Riff smiled warmly. "Damn lucky. There ain't nothin' you can't do."

Vivienne, feeling the end was near, pushed and pushed until she couldn't push any longer. She felt her body shudder with the last one. She fell back, letting her eyes fall shut as she felt salty sweat drip into her eyes.

At her feet, she heard a baby's cry.

"Oh my god," Tessa breathed. She shook Vivienne's shoulder. "Viv, look."

Vivienne lifted her head, a heavy task, and looked down, seeing the bright red thing that screamed it's lungs out as it took it's first breaths of the world it had been born into.

There it was.

"Congratulations," one of the nurses said. "It's a boy."

There he was. 

---

Later, when her body ached and she felt like she could sleep for a million years, Vivienne lay in her bed, her baby laying in her arms. He was asleep and she watched him. She watched his small breaths rise and fall, his tiny eyelashes fluttering as he recovered from their shared ordeal.

She reached out and ran her finger lightly along his cheek, feeling the tuft of his soft skin.

He was small, round-cheeked and soft. He was perfect.

"Hmm," she mumbled, taking him in. "Guess you're real, huh?"

When he jostled beneath her, she smiled. She thought about Riff, and what he was doing there and then. The heaviness of the situation was not lost on her, even in her hazy happiness - Riff had a son now, and he didn't even know it.

She loved their baby from the moment she had laid eyes on him. They were bound together by a connection so profound she wasn't sure she could describe it if she tried.

There was a knock at the door, and Tessa poked her head in. 

"John's here," she said, and opened the door to reveal Baby John, out of breath and stumbling.

They stepped inside, and he immediately stilled, softening instantly at the sight of Vivienne and the one in her arms.

"Shit," he breathed. "That's...that's a baby."

"Yeah," Vivienne smirked. "Well observed."

He walked over and stood to look at the baby, his head tilted. Tessa came over and smiled warmly. 

"Did it hurt?" he asked, his eyes flicking up to Vivienne.

"Do you really wanna know the gory details?"

"Not really," he admitted. He reached out, but pulled his hand back quickly and questioning. "Can I--?"

Vivienne nodded. "Go for it."

Baby John reached out and touched the baby's head, soft and delicate as it was. He looked over at Tessa and shared a disbelieving smile and she looped her arm in his.

"You tired?" Tessa asked.

"Exhausted. But how can I sleep when he's here?" Vivienne replied, looking down at the new person in her life. "I don't think I'll ever be able to look away from him."

"You're a goddamn hero."

"So are you guys. How much you've helped me the past few months, and today...I'll never be able to return the favour." Vivienne had an idea then, and looked towards them both. "Be his godparents." 

Baby John and Tessa looked at each other.

"Really?" he asked, almost breathless.

"Of course."

"Would Riff be okay with that? I mean, Ice, or Action might be better even..."

Vivienne rolled her eyes. "He's not here to say otherwise. Besides, I don't even know if I could have made it this far without you both."

"You would've," Tessa interjected. "You could have done it without us for sure. But of course we'll be his godparents. No matter what Riff thinks or does."

"You got a name for him yet?"

"No," Vivienne exhaled. She placed her thumb in the nameless baby's hand, feeling the warmth beneath it. "I'll work it out at some point."

---

Vivienne and the baby were home soon enough, and her new life began. 

A life filled with crying, feeding, sitting up at all hours of the night on the fire escape with her boy, calming him back to sleep by telling him about her, about Riff, and about the world they lived in. It was a life that she quickly found herself slipping into like she'd always been ready to do so.

She watched, fascinated as he became more aware of himself and the space around him. Of her. 

He watcher her with big blue eyes and she saw Riff in him. 

Weeks went by, and she already hated how much he was growing. How his gargles and strange noises sounded more pointed, more demanding. How his little legs began to kick and he took in the world with more curiosity. He was already living, and Riff was missing it.

In the mornings, she sat with him on the stoop outside her building, letting him discover the sun and the morning birds that chirped around them. She walked him in her arms up and down the block, until Baby John and Tessa appeared one day with a stroller. 

"Don't ask where we got it from," Baby John told her immediately. "Just take it and use it."

She knew that she would never be able to repay the emotional debt with them. They had also supplied her with a small crib before the birth, which Tessa had spent time cleaning up. Along the side, she had painted small jet planes in blue and green. 

Although Vivienne spent most of her time with the baby in her arms. It felt as though she could feel Riff through him. See his eyes. Feel his heartbeat.

One day, she got a letter from Riff in the mail. Sitting at the kitchen table and listening to the baby splutter some nonsensical noises in her arms, she carefully tore it open.

Viv - 

Time for you to come back from Boston. I'm coming home.

This place is too overcrowded, so they've said they're letting me go early on account of 'good behaviour' (whatever that means). I'll be out on the 20th October.

I've let the Jets know, too. We'll all be together again soon, just like I've been thinking about since the day I came in here. 

When I come back, we'll have a big party. We'll go dancing. That is unless, everything's fallen apart by the time I get there.

I can't wait to see you. Counting down the hours, baby.

Yours soon.

- R

She held the note tightly in her hand so hard she thought she might rip it. Riff was coming home. Her heart leapt and flipped inside her chest, and she thought she might burst from happiness. Soon he would be here, back in her arms, and her in his.

The baby's gurgle brought her back to the room. She looked down, and their eyes met. Did he know what she was thinking? Could he sense how she felt? 

Soon, there would be no hiding it. Riff would be back in two months, and there would be a reckoning. She knew whatever happened next, she would have to be ready. 

Until then, she could continue to sit with him and pretend like everything was okay. For him, and for herself.