JUST NOT PRETEND | SY ✓

Chapter 14 - Night

Seeing Soobin walk away seemed like one of those nightmares he'd had, or the time he'd overthinking himself to a point where he starts to think about Soobin leaving and then cry himself to sleep or that instant see or at least have a call with Soobin just to make sure that his best friend was still around him.

The thought of losing Soobin scares him.

Witnessing it happening made his stomach churn ugly.

He'd do anything to make Soobin stay.

Anything.

So he betrayed Ji-sul.

"Ji-sul's stepmother molested him when he was eleven and it lasted for six years." Yeonjun breathed, "Six years he was raped, sexually abused and what not." 

Soobin's steps stopped, he turned towards Yeonjun seeing the older wiping away his blooded nose again, he stared at the older who looked back at him again.

"He had a rough childhood, very rough, mother died while he was five, all the was put blame on him because he was seated in the car with her, in the process of saving him, she died." Yeonjun continued, taking a deep breath again because he remembers the time Ji-sul cried in his arms speaking about his past, "A childhood without love, loneliness and abuse…" 

This made Soobin guilty, developing a soft spot for Ji-sul— it was undoubtedly nothing but pity that he felt for the male who had been through such harsh backlash at a very tender age. He stared at Yeonjun who had a look of guilt himself probably because it's something his ex-boyfriend trusted him with but he poured it out to someone else.

He betrayed Ji-sul by spilling something that's only supposed to be between them, it was Ji-sul's secret and something that concerns his past life— this betrayal done by Yeonjun was way more uglier than what he did to Soobin.

"I know this is not something to use as a reason for what he did or whatever but do you see now his inner child is hurt, how he didn't get his happiness since a young age, this all together formed him what he is today." He sobbed, but there were no tears, just pure pain and guilt. "The asshole he is today was a child afraid of the world years before." 

"If you knew so much then why did you even accept all this fake boyfriend crap?" Soobin questioned, fingers bunched up against his sides.

"To make him realize that lost love or lost days never come back, me and him would never again be together again." Yeonjun sighed, taking steps closer to Soobin, hugging him, "I miss the days with him and want those memories to rewind again, but I don't want him back. I don't want him." He cleared out, closing his eyes when he felt Soobin's arms wrapping around his shoulders.

"Why did you tell me all this?" Soobin questioned again, because honestly he had nothing to say back but ask the answers of his questions.

"Because I have been a bad best friend, I know you'd hate me but I can't help but feel the need to protect Ji-sul from any other harm that'd come his way, I have truly loved him Soobin, I loved him with all my heart." Yeonjun whispered, ear pressed against Soobin's chest because his heartbeats were calming him down. "This made me betray you— be a bad friend to the one who has been nothing but an angel to m-me." He whimpered.

Somewhere, Soobin could understand Yeonjun's situation. His hyung had a really pure heart filled with nothing but love for others and making things better for everyone around him.

"Get it all off your chest, now." Soobin whispered, kissing over Yeonjun's hair.

Yeonjun smiled at what Soobin said, he always knew what to say. 

"I feel bad for that five year old Ji-sul who received the horror of his life, losing his mother at such an age." He started, taking a deep breath thinking if he was on Ji-sul's place, "At eleven— when I was probably enjoying cartoons, he was getting touched and beaten an-and raped…" His throat tightened, "I wish I could save him back then."