My vents

2

I cant fucking take it anymore,

I cant take life, people, everyone, everything, the stress, the homophobia, and the weight I have to carry on  my shoulders,

I hate myself,

I have to deal with people telling me what and who I should be,

the amount of serotonin that goes through my body when someone calls me by my preferred name is so amazing, the feeling makes me want to explode into tears and happiness. 

But I don't feel like that when someone calls me by my deadname / pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, stunning/ anything feminine, or femininely or femininity related.

I constantly want to do things to myself which I have before, I try to stop myself I really try.

But sooner or later I cant.

I never can I will never be who I want to be.

There ALWAYS has to be onw thing stoping me from being eho I really want to be and i just cant take it anymore.

I CONSTANTLY HATE MYSELF

I CONSTANTLY HATE THE WAY I ACT

I CONSTANTLY HATE THE WAY I LOOK

I HATE THAT IM NOT HIM

I HATE THAT IM NOT WHO I WANT TO BE

I THINK ABOUT HURTING MYSELF

I THINK ABOUT KILLING MYSELF

I THINK ABOUT HOW NONE LOVES ME

I WANT TO DIE.