Amnesia Girl

Healing Takes Time

Amelia smiled, " We talk, I may make the odd note but really just think of this as a conversation with your friend."

"But I really don't have any friends, so I really don't know how," she said.

"What about your men?" She inquired.

"Well yes, I mean they're more my boyfriends than friends. They don't count. From what I remember I've only had one friend outside of them and she betrayed me," Riley said bitterly.

"Tell me about it."

"What do you want to know? She traded sex and money for me. I was kidnapped again and thankfully the boys were able to find me."

Kaiden gave her hand a squeeze in support which gave Riley energy to continue. She opened her mouth to continue but than closed it. She didn't know what to continue on with. Her thoughts were all over the place and she didn't know how to speak them out loud. Amelia didn't press her, just sat in calm quietness. Finally Riley said, "I don't want to talk anymore."

Amelia nodded, "That's fine, we have you scheduled for later this week." 

Riley nodded stiffly and walked out of the room bringing Kaiden along with her. "Well?" he questioned.

"She seems nice," she retorted and than sighed and closed her eyes leaning up against the window. Kaiden wisely didn't try to strike up more conversation. 

Later that week, Riley went with Hunter to the appointment. She sat stiffly in the room while Amelia tried to make conversation. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Her head hurt and her thoughts were just making her stressed. She sighed deeply and leaned against Hunter. He leaned over and kissed her head. "Don't worry, I'm here. I won't leave you."

She smiled softly at him but tensed when Amelia asked, "How have you been sleeping?"

"Terrible," Riley decided to answer a question so that hopefully Amelia would stop talking and she could just leave this place, "I have been waking up every night with nightmares, I'm scared to sleep."

"Tell me about them," Amelia phrased it as a statement rather than a question. 

"Mostly about the time I was taken," Riley said softly as tears filled her eyes, "I'm sorry, I just can't." 

"We can try next week," Amelia responded, "There's no rush."

A few months went by and Riley was slowly opening up but still felt stifled and realized that is she was ever going to recover fully she needed to not have the guys with her all the time. For this next appointment she decided to go alone. The boys voiced their displeasure but in the end respected her decision. 

Riley climbed up the steps to the building and sat down on the couch. She gazed at Amelia and had a sudden feeling of sadness come over her. She burst into tears and Amelia came over and put her arm around her. Surprisingly she didn't shy away. Once she stopped crying she had verbal diarrhea and couldn't stop. 

"I remember that night, I remember the night my brother got shot in the head. I remember running away from those guys in the house. I remember being kidnapped as a kid and how I felt like I was going to die and felt so alone. I remember the most recent time of being kidnapped. I remember being raped, tortured and abused. I remember the darkness coming in and taking me at his pleasure. He gave me to his men and they used me and abused me. I remember the feeling of having men and objects inside me. They weren't gentle. I was forced to do everything and I just feel so unclean. I feel like I will never be whole again. I feel like I will be a fragile china doll the rest of my life and never be able to sleep normally again or have sex like a normal person. The couple times I've tried to have sex with my boys I end up freaking out or going into a comatose state," Riley stopped for a second to catch her breath. She looked over at Amelia and saw no judgement in her gaze, just pure acceptance and understanding which gave her the confidence to continue on.

"I have a lot of my memories back, not all of them but a lot. There will be random things that happen that suddenly spark a new memory. I do get headaches when that happens but they usually don't last very long. I still have nightmares, they have gone away a little bit but more nights than not I wake up screaming and crying. The boys' are trying their best to help me but I can see it's wearing on them and I feel like a burden. And than there's Matt," Riley stopped suddenly after saying his name. 

"Matt?" Amelia prodded.

"One of the loves of my life," Riley sighed, "He's still in a coma, the doctors think we should give up life support on him but I refuse. I need him. I need all four of my men."

"I'm very proud of you Riley, this session you have made such huge progress. You have been able to speak about what happened a lot more and acknowledge the fact that it did happen. This is a huge step in the right direction for recovery," Amelia responded. 

"I just want to be whole again. I feel empty and gross. I just don't know how to not feel like this anymore," Riley said sadly, "Plus I want to sleep. The medications I have tired haven't been helping and I don't want keep taking them."

"Well, we can work on that, there are other things we can try and remember,  it's not an overnight process. Sometimes it can take years to be at a comfortable spot, sometimes just months. It all varies on the person and the circumstances. There is no easy way. It's just time. I think for the next session we should have your men join us. I think it would be good for all involved."

"Uh, okay, if you think that is best."

"I do, I think it will be good for all of you to have a session together."

"Um, do the guys see you?" Riley questioned.

Amelia nodded, "Yes, sometimes, I've known them since they were little."

"Okay, I will let them know." Riley walked out to the waiting vehicle where Lucas was waiting.

"How was it?" he asked.

"It's good, I opened up to her and it actually feels really good to have spoken a lot that has been on my mind," Riley responded.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said smiling lovingly at her.

"Oh, Amelia wants to have a session with all of us next time."

"Okay," he nodded, "I will pass it on the guys." He reached over and grabbed her hand putting it on his lap. Riley smiled at the gesture. They went home and had a nice relaxing evening with everyone. That night Riley had no nightmares.

The next session all four of them climbed onto the couch and Amelia sat across from them. "If Riley hasn't already mentioned, she opened up a lot last week and I have decided that it's time for all of you to do this together."

The boys and Riley nodded their agreement. For the next couple hours it was an in depth discussion about how the guys' were feeling, and how Riley was feeling. She opened up about all her insecurities and fears and the guys opened up so that Riley could understand them better and where they were coming from. After the couple hours they all felt closer together than before. On the way out, Kaiden's phone chimed. He looked down at it and broke into a big grin.

"We need to go to the hospital. Matt has woken up."