Never Expected You

chapter nine (Drew)

"Take Samantha home ." I will deal with you on Monday." I enter my car and driver of with so many things going through my head.

As we reach about half way to her home, I keep starting at her seeing that she is still hyperventilating, taking her hand ,I tell her,"we almost there baby stay with me."I know she had anxiety but didn't know that it was this level.

Since the barbecue at my house a month ago, I try to stay away from her,Mason is right my line a  being blurred the things I feel for Amera,it's to raw,and what I whisper to her I can still hear myself say it.

"Amera you are the most sexiest woman I have ever lay my eyes upon."

Those word which are so true,I have never seen a more sexy woman than Amera,but to say that to her when my wife,was right outside the door,what kind of man does that make me,if lily were to married someone like that I will kill him,so I stayed away from her only interacting if need to at work ,but seeing her like this right now, my my heart feels like a sharp blade is sinking slowly inside of it,how do I explain these feeling, that I don't want to have and I know I shouldn't have, yet it's there entering me slowly waiting to destroy everything in my life.

As we enter her home, I pick her up like I did at the club,carrying her to the house,as she continues to short breathe, I open the door carrying her in the living room resting her on top of the couch.

"Where are your medicine?"

"Upstairs............bedroom...........working."

" I will be right back." I run up the stairs enter her bedroom, go thru her workbag, finds the medicine and runs back down the stairs, as I enter I see head is down between her knees, going to the kitchen, I full a glass of water, head back to the living room and kneel down to her level rising head I give her the medical.

"Here take this." She take the pill as I give her the glass of water,after she drinks it,I rest the glass on top of the centre table, "you ok?" She shakes her "yes" then rest back on the couch.

It has been an hour since I brought her home and her breathing is getting back to normal, I get up off the couch I'm  setting on and start pacing, going back and forth, beginning to get hungry at her for putting herself in that position,knowing how dangerous and serious her anxiety is.

"Why will you put yourself in that situation?why did you go to the club knowing it can make you hyperventilate ." what were you thinking Amera. " I say as I shouts to her not realizing tears are running down her face.

"Please don't.........shout at me.....please" she say as she continues to cry,going to her I sit next to her pulling her on my lap and hugging her to me,while she curls like a baby.

"Amera shh! Amera I am sorry for shouting at you,but you don't know what it did to me seeing you like that,knowing that there's nothing I can do for you, but to wait for it to pass,I felt like my heart was being pull from my chest,please don't scare me like that again."I continue to hug her to me,can't believe how perfect she feels in my arms,and I never want to let her go,but I have to because she doesn't belong to me,and I belong to someone else.

As she raises head and look at me, she says"I didn't know that would have happen,Mason and Samantha was asking to go with them whole week, they didn't know about my anxiety so I said ok,I thought I would have been ok,;Mason went to get drinks and Samantha went to the ladies room,this guy came from nowhere, was trying to talk to me ,he was drunk and was holding my arms a little to hard and his alcohol scent from his breath got to me and I just lost it,was like I was back home and my drunk husband was in my face."

"O baby I'm sorry, I wish I could take all those bad memories away from you.as I look at her getting lost in her eyes,i feel this powerful force pulling me closer to her,its like nothing I have ever felt in my life,l lightly stroke her cheeks pulling her face ever so slowly closer to mine a touch away from her lips," Amera"I whisper to her as I go to touch my lips to hers at the same time she pulls away from me and gets up.

"Oh my god,what have I done, I almost kiss you,my boss,who is married,what was I thinking." She says as she looks at me with tears in her eyes.

"You did nothing wrong Amera,we just caught up with everything that happen tonight and things just got a little confusing there,you have nothing to worry bout." I say to her as I wipe the tears from her eyes,looking at her,but nothing  what I'm telling her is  the true,so many things is going through my head and heart right now,so many lines we have cross, and I need to get some space and get my head on right before we cross lines that both of us can't come back from.

"Are you ok? How you feeling now?"

"Feeling lot better,thank you for being here and everything that you have done to help me,and please forgive me for anything wrong."

"There's nothing to forgive,will you be ok?"

"Yes I will be ok."

if  there's any problem call me,you hear anytime during the night call me do you hear me," she shake her head yes,"No Amera words, i want to hear your words."

"Yes I will call you."

"Good come lock the door ." I turn and head to the door at her behind me I turn at the door take her face in my hand and kissing her forehead then turn and head to the car, as she closed the door behind me.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! " I say as I hit the steering wheel,breathing in and out, everything is so fucked up right now my heart and head is so messed up right now,I love my wife and in this twenty years we have been together,never in my life have I ever kiss or look at another woman, she has been my whole life,everything we have been through to be together, I will never but my marriage in jeopardy, so why did I almost kiss Amera? And why did I want to more than any thing at that moment, I didn't even give my marriage or my wife and kids a  second thought.

Am I willing to  destroy my marriage for Amera? When did she became so important to me? Was I falling for her even before she came her ? Why are my feelings so strong for her? All these questions I ask myself as I drive home,entering my house I climbed the stairs and enter my bedroom, where my wife is working on her laptop, looking at her she's so beautiful and the love of my life,I have never stopped loving her,it's just I started having feelings for another woman,can it be love? Can I be inlove  with two women at the same time?

"Hi honey you home?"

"Yes i now arrive let me take a show and come to bed."

I head to the shower and as I close my eye under the water, Amera face appears to me,I open my eye and continue to shower as I finish I head to the bedroom, sitting at the end of the bed my wife come and wrap her hand around my waist,kissing my neck, closing my eyes feeling her touch, when Amera in my lap appears, almost kissing Amera ,holding her to me,all these are in my head,how can I have sex with my wife when another woman is in my mind ,as Layla turn me to her,I stop her.

"Honey I tired let leave it for another time." Being the first time I ever stop from making love to my wife,and lying in the same bed thinking about another woman,making me the worse husband there can be.