𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲

Sixty Four | Interpretation

Y/N

I could sense that Tom was nervous the entire drive here this morning, which in turn made my nerves heighten and my sense of calm completely fly out the window. If a world class actor like Tom was nervous to meet his fellow cast mates, how am I supposed to feel know that I have to show up as the writer of this whole thing? What if they all think the script is flawed? What if they secretly talk about me behind my back during lunch? Fuck... And I haven't even begun to think about the fact I'm acting in this thing as well.

Tom had never seen me act before, I mean, I think he tracked down an old video online of me but that doesn't count. As we left the apartment this morning he told me that he was worried I would be the one to judge him, when in fact it was quite the opposite. What if the cast think that I've written myself a character I don't deserve to play? What if they think of me as some narcissist ruining the film with her shitty acting?

Throughout the day I felt my nerves definitely subside, sitting next to Shane throughout the directing process as we discussed with Marcel on particular shots and camera angles. As Shane was the one blocking the actors on set and discussing where they should be moving, I was the one giving them key character insights on how they should be feeling and why. And honestly? It felt amazing to see my story in the flesh.

"Cut!" Shane called out, his chair and the camera automatically swinging back to it's starting position before it had panned closer to Tom and Alex in the scene. The assistants to each of the boys ran onto the set and handed them water bottles and makeup artists quickly came over to powder their noses and mouths.

Shane leant over to me and squinted at both Alex and Tom, without speaking a word I knew what he was thinking; something wasn't right with the scene.

"I hate to say it, but it's Tom that isn't bringing me those little brain zaps that I want... I just don't think Nick would be responding that way, it needs to be more... Fuck, it needs more erghh!" Shane said to me under his breath, using a sound effect to describe his thoughts rather than actual words. But I knew what he meant.

I ran up onto the set and stood in front of Alex and Tom, who were sitting on the bed and looking up at me both with glassy red eyes from crying in the prior take. Tom reached over to me and rested his hand on my thigh as I took a deep breath. I really don't want to be giving my boyfriend criticism on his work but I had to.

"You guys are fucking incredible but I want to dive a little deeper into how your characters should both be thinking, just to help a little," I nodded.

I thought that if I framed it as if I was giving both of them advice, it wouldn't look like I was singling out Tom in front of Alex and the crew. I don't think the crew could hear us anyway but it was a more subtle approach.

"So Alex, you've been stuck in this cult for years and you've become closed off and sheltered right? You're numb to basic human emotion, so when Tom sees you smoking late at night and asks for one, you're almost sympathetic that he's going down the same path as you and slowly joining the cult mentality," I said looking at Alex as he sipped his water.

"Yep, gotcha," he nodded.

"And Tom, you haven't really had the chance to really think about all the shit that's going on during this holiday and as you start to break down in front of Alex, he knows exactly how you're feeling because he's gone through the same thing. But as much as Alex feels bad for you, he doesn't want you to leave the cult because he's selfish and wants you to stay. So when you try to open up to him, he stops you and kisses you," I explain, looking at Tom to make sure he understands.

"Yeah I get that," Tom says.

"Because Alex, you mistake Tom's newfound trust as affection. You don't know what it's like to have romantic feelings for someone and because you are starting to bond with Tom, you think it must be because you're attracted to him," I say turning back to Alex.

"So Tom, you're just super confused because you were crying, then Alex kisses you and you're both kind of in this salty kiss because you're both emotional. And as much as you're a heterosexual man, you go along with it reluctantly because you've started to be conditioned that this is something the Higher Power wants. Does this make any sense?" I explained.

Alex nodded.
Tom squinted at me a little.

"But if Nick is straight, why does he let Marcus kiss him? Is he secretly confused about his sexuality?" Tom said tilting his head to the side.

"No so, Nick isn't enjoying this at all. Marcus is, because Marcus is confusing this new friendship as what he thinks romance would feel like. But you Tom, you're kind of just like 'oh fuck I have to go along with this because our god would want us to' type of thing. Because in earlier scenes, you have seen Marcus hook up with April, or James kiss April and they all brushed it off as 'the higher power said so' as a reason," I explained further.

"So I'm kind of weirded out by it all?" Tom clarifies.

"Exactly, you're not enjoying it but you're pushing through it to please the god," I smiled softly, kissing my fingertips and pressing them against his cheek softly not to ruin his makeup with my lip gloss.

"So am I attracted to him then?" Alex said cocking his head to the side and fiddling with his fingers.

"Not really, you just don't know what real affection feels like and because you're finally making a friend, you think it must be because of love," I smiled, telling them both they were doing an amazing job before running back to the cameras and telling Shane we were all good.

"Quiet on set! Stand by to go again. Back to first marks everyone," Shane called out, making crew members get in their respective jobs and for Tom and Alex to stand up to their starting positions.

"Roll camera, roll sound..." Shane said as he looked at the small monitor in front of him.

"10-4," Marcel responded, telling Shane he understood. I don't know why saying ten four means 'I understand' but hey, this is showbiz.

I stood with my arms crossed watching Tom and Alex get into character again, their entires bodies changing in seconds. It was impressive as all hell.

"Action!"