Hold me tight

8.

"Kinda.. I'm feeling cold in here on my clean sheets without it. You interrupted my sleep by the way, just wanted you to know so you would feel a bit quilty." I could hear in his voice how he's smirking, I also heard how he jumped back on the bed.

"Well I slept two hours so where's my pity?" I let out a nervous chuckle while I took the empty coffee mug and placed it to the sink.
He didn't answer, I almost thought the connection broke because it was so silent. So I pressed the screen but no, the call was still on.
I watched as the seconds kept going.
This is why I hate myself, I always hit these things to air.

"You know I like how you're sarcastic and well.. self-irony is that kind of what me and the boys are doing. But.. do you need company..? Like.. maybe now or later?"
The way he spoke, it made me feel like someone was hugging me.
I freezed, staring at those dirty dishes in my sink.

"I don't know.. I should do stuff..." I only responded, hesitating.
I kinda wanted to meet him, he's nice and all but.. I don't know.
And the answer I gave him was bad. It's obvious that I don't have anything to do and I'm sure he heard it from my voice.

"Well.. can I even come to get my jacket back..?" He asked, and it made me feel really bad. He sounded disappointed. I hated myself right now, more than anything else. But my thoughts were fighting against each other. I closed my eyes and bit my teeth together, I wanted myself to feel bad physically too.
It started to hurt so I stopped it, and gave him the answer.
"Of course."

Now I was waiting for him to come, I changed my clothes to that kind of ones like I would go somewhere. It felt so stupid, but I had to do this.
When I just got my other earring on I heard the doorbell ring. I took the last look from the mirror and I stared my reflection disappointed.
I walked to the door and carefully opened it, and there he was standing. He have me a small smile and I let him in.
"You look nice.. I mean.. well I already said it." He said nervous while we walked further to the apartment and his words made me smile a bit.
"I don't see anything bad on compliments. But here's your jacket." I took it from the chair and handed it to him.
He took it and looked at it, then his eyes lifted up to meet mine.
We were silent, only this staring contest kept going.
I felt so bad for lying to him, I hate lying. I can't stand it.

"You have nice home." He cleared his throat and started to look around, I looked as he walked here and there.
"Yeah.. I don't like it that much but I guess it's comfy." I sighed and put my hand on the backrest of the chair and leaned against it.

"Don't like, why's that?" He frowned and stopped, and stared at me while licking his lips. I don't know why but it caught my attention and I stared at his.. well lips if I'm honest. Then I fastly looked away and took a deep breath.

"Uhm.. I don't like being in here. I would like to move or even go to a vacation or something.. far away from here. Feels like I can't breathe in here."
I stared those walls and swallowed.
I said too much. I can't reveal too much.

Silence again. And my eyes slowly moved to Joonas again, but he was already looking at me.
He hold that jacket in his hands, and I saw him squeezing it a little bit.

"You know.. I know how you're feeling." He said then and started to take slow steps towards me.
He watched his feet while coming closer.
And then he stopped, about one meter away from me.
I swallowed again, my throat screamed for water.

"I don't want to sound like an idiot or anything, but I would like to get to known to you better. I'm serious." He said and he had much more confidence now than before.
I felt dizzy, I needed an escape.
I looked at the clock on my wall and I had to pretend that I'm in hurry.
"I have to go now. It was nice to see you again and that number thing on the pocket was smooth, but I have to go before I'm late." I walked away from him while picking up my stuff and throwing them to a bag.
He watched this crazy show as I fastly put my shoes on, he followed me outside from the apartment.

He didn't get to say anything, but I saw he wanted to talk. I just ran down the stairs and took my phone out of my pocket. I needed to call someone.
When we both got out from the building and before I could have the chance to escape, he took a grip of my wrist and it made me stop and look at him confused.
His blue eyes begged for me to listen.

"I see you're avoiding me, I don't know why but.. I really want to know you better. If there's anything I could do to prove it to you, I will. " He said and didn't even blink once.
His words hurt my heart, I felt so stupid again.
Oh how much I wanted to apologize him, but the voice was too loud in my head.

"It's just hard to believe that someone wants that." I answered shyly while I watched him taking slow steps backwards, away from me.

"How about we see in couple days, I'll take you somewhere, whatever it was I'll pay." He suggested smirking, and he seemed to be much happier now.
I just nodded as an answer, and he smiled too while winking to me and turning around.
That left me speechless, but then I remembered I had to make an call.

"Hi Eevi, do you have time to see now? I need to talk to you." I said relieved when she answered to my call.

So, finally Saga let Joonas to have a chance.
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