When I saw your little frame in the bed beside Mami. Sleeping peacefully. I fell in love. You had such cute chubby cheeks. Your breathing soft. Your little arm grabbed my finger. That was when I swore to protect you against the world.
When you woke up you were such a happy baby. You were always laughing. Only crying when you were hungry or you needed something. Your giggles makes me want to pinch your cheeks and hug you tight.
After my duties, I would always run to the nursery and look at your sleeping figure. You motivated me each day as you always had and I was always excited to see you at home.
On your first birthday, I was so excited. My baby sister is a year older now! I gave you a lot of flowers as a gift. You beamed at me and hugged me thank you. I hugged you back, lifting you up and spinning around. From that day on, I promised to give you gifts each year. I prepared many gifts that night to give you until you were 60. I guess I would never be able to give you the other ones.
The first prank you and Camillo pulled on us was very funny. The two of you tried to scare us by wearing a big white cloth over yourselves with two black circles that had different sizes that was meant to be eyes of a ghost costume. Dolores and I were walking down the hall and the two of you suddenly jumped out of nowhere and shouted "Boo!" We both laughed because of your cuteness and saw you two removing the cloth with pouting faces as the prank didn't work.
When you were three, I had already gotten used to having you around. I was sometimes annoyed at your tantrums. I even shouted at you and made you cry. I was scolded after that and was mad at you because of it. I thought that it wasn't proper to throw tantrums, Abuela never corrected you and it was unfair. Thinking about it now, that was wrong of me. You were still a child and it's ok to be like that.
That same night, I dreamt about being in a zombie apocalypse. I suddenly had the option to leave you and go to a safe place or stay with you and get devoured by the zombies. I woke up crying at the thought of leaving you. I'd rather experience all kinds of pain and shield you from it than leave you alone for all the pleasures in the world.
At your gift ceremony, I was so so so happy for you. You were so excited to have your own gift. You walked to the door. Holding the handle gently and seeing the door disappear infront of your eyes. I almost cried as I saw your look of disappointment. You didn't deserve it. I wanted to hug you and say it's okay. It took all night for Papi and Mami to calm you down.
The next few days, I realized that you were so lucky. You never have to be perfect. You never have to work too hard. You can make mistakes. You don't have any expectations to fulfill. I was so jealous of you. I lived my whole life being perfect but seeing you do the opposite makes my blood churn. I always felt miserable. No one saw me struggling. But you don't have to struggle. You can just live your life, do what you want and be happy.
It's was so unfair! If Mami and Papi won't do anything to discipline you, then I will. I had to make things even. So I treated you worse than before. You didn't deserve that. I never should have done that. I'm such a terrible person. I'm sorry.
I always told you that you ruined my life. I was about to marry Mariano. Even if I didn't want to. It's for the family. It was my duty. And ofcourse, you had to ruin it. That night, you helped me realize that I don't have to be perfect. I can make different plants. Different kinds, colors and shapes. Ofcourse I always knew that but I always brushed it off. But that moment made me see it clearly. I felt released. I was so happy I could cry. I wanted that moment to last forever. But we are never meant to be happy forever.
Abuela came. Ruining everything. "What is going on!?" I saw the horror in her eyes. Many thoughts ran through my head. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have done that. I should have been perfect. I-". Mirabel stood up infront of Abuela. She confronted her and told things we all knew but will never be able to tell. Mirabel, my baby sister. You have grown up. You were so strong. You did things I could never do. You were my sunshine. You are so amazing and special. I wish I could have told you that.
The house began to crack. I tried to reach for the candle. I failed. But you continued with the help of Casita. You were always so close to her. Everything was falling apart. But you still continued. Trying to save the miracle. The miracle who failed you. For the family. The family who failed you.
You managed to get the candle. Casita helped you go down. Forming a slide. Then tio Brunos tower began to collapse. It was falling. Casita tried to save you. Forming a shelter with two doors. But it was in vain.
Everything was dust. Mami scrambled to your direction. Papi followed. I followed them too. Mamis screams rang out as we searched for you with tears in my eyes. "No. She's ok. She's strong. She always makes everything work out. This is Mira who we're talking about. She's just injured. Mami will heal her. She will be all better. I will apologize to her. We will build the Casita again. Everything will go back to normal. And-" My thoughts were cut by Mamis scream. "MIRABEL!!"
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It's been a week since you left us. Mira. Why? Why did you do that? You should have let it be. We did nothing for you. No one asked you to be a hero. I'd rather not have a miracle at all without you. But I guess you would still save the miracle thousand times over even if we go back in time. You would do this again and again for us. You're the one who truly cares for us. You've always loved this family.
When I saw your little frame in the coffin all alone. Lying horrifically still. The world stopped. You look so pale. I won't hear you laugh anymore. I won't be able to see you dance. I won't be able to hear your jokes again. I won't be able to touch you again. I won't be able to tease you again. I won't be able to be pranked by you again. Please come back. It's ok if you ruin my life. It's ok if you resent me forever. It's ok if you tease me. It's just so unfair.
The world doesn't care and moves on even if you're not here anymore. I have to keep going even if I don't want to.
I miss you so much.
I'm sorry.
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Authors Note
This is written at 12 am in my google notes. Please no hate. This is the first time I made this.
Anyways, thank you for reading.
You guys will need this: 🧻🧻🧻
