blue valentine

postlude

POSTLUDE

YVONNE would let anything put on hold except his work deadlines. Wala pang ilang minuto nang ilapag niya ang cellphone sa gilid ng kanyang mesa at pinagpatuloy ang blueprint na isang linggo niya nang tinatrabaho.

He cancelled another date last minute. Another of twenty dates he cancelled before that. Bahala na ang consequences, maipasa niya lang ang blueprint on time.

His room is a mess. Wala sa tamang lagayan ang pens at rulers, magulo ang ayos ng kumot at unan sa kama, patong-patong na iba't ibang klase ng architecture books sa coffee table, at ang laundry basket na puno ng labahan. Some musical instruments and wires are scattered around the floor.

Kapag sinabi mo sa 20 year old Yvonne Lyonne na isang workaholic siya na walang matinong cleaning routine during his 30s, baka tawanan ka lang niya at lagpasan ng lakad sa daan.

"Kuya! Busy ka ba?"

Speaking of consequences, his younger sibling, Lianne, suddenly came knocking on his door. Nagpanting na agad ang tenga ni Yvonne sa boses nito. Ayaw na ayaw niya ring naiistorbo kapag nagtatrabaho.

"Busy ako! Bother me later."

Akala niya titigilan na siya nito dahil wala siyang narinig pagkatapos niyang sumagot, pero kumatok ito muli at mas agresibo ito kaysa kanina.

"Kuya! Mamaya na 'yan, please? I saw something at the supermarket!"

Napapikit sa inis si Yvonne at hininto ang kanyang ginagawa. Nilingon niya ang pinto at napabuntong hininga nang kumatok muli ang kapatid. Lamyang naglakad ito papunta sa pinto at pinagbuksan ang kapatid.

Bago pa niya masungitan si Lia ay naibaba niya ang tingin sa magazine na hawak nito at natigilan.

Lianne noticed the indifference in her brother's eyes so she quickly gave it to him with her hand forcing the magazine onto his chest.

"It's her first issue magazine after so many years, Kuya. I bought it for you. Karmi's downstairs. Mag-hi ka naman." Iniwasan ni Lianne ang titig ni Yvonne nang mapansin niya ang paglalim ng kunot noo nito.

Yvonne grabbed the magazine and shut the door as if he just punched himself in the face.

Bakit parang dapat pa akong magpasalamat na binili niya 'tong magazine para sa 'kin? Inis na napaisip ito.

He stared down at the magazine- at the woman who wears nothing but her signature charming smile he once used to see every single day of his life. She was wearing bright and fit clothing from a high-end brand with her unnatural curly hair and colorful makeup that perfectly fits the theme of the magazine issue.

Para kay Yvonne, kung tititigan niya ito katulad ng dati, wala siyang mapapansing pagbabago. She's always been bright and beautiful. Pero kung tititigan niya ito habang inaalala ang reyalidad na halos sampung taon na silang hindi nagkita, estrangero lang ito para sa kanya.

He unconsciously sat on the sofa and kept staring at her. Biglang naglaho ang deadline at trabaho sa isip nito at ang tanging sumisigaw lang sa isip nito ang mga huling salita na narinig niya mula sa kanya.

Yvonne could only swallow the lump of guilt, regret, sadness, and nostalgia starting to linger inside of him. Bago pa siya makain ng sariling emosyon ay malalim itong napabuntong hininga.

"Wala na akong time para rito," are the words he could only utter before throwing the magazine somewhere to prevent himself from seeing it again, stood up, and went back to work like a normal person he believed.

Wala nang point para alamin kung kumusta na siya. Wala nang point para balikan ang mga nakaraang daan na minsan nagpaligaw sa kanya.

The woman in the magazine used to be his world. She was once his dream. She was everything he could ever ask for.

Pero siguro nga may mga bagay talaga na kailangan bitawan, pangarap na kailangan kalimutan, at mga mundong kailangan mong iwanan para lang maisalba ang sarili at relasyong sa isip mo lang naman masisimulan.

Karmina was Yvonne's almost. He used to chase the idea of it just to keep her.

Now, he would rather keep himself away from her just to keep his life on a clean slate- and from her life to keep herself alive - or at least that's what he believed for the best.

Almost.