Rough [H.S.]

eight.

Are you ready? 'Cause I'm ready to let go
Never thought that I'd be ready again
Guess there's somethin' 'bout the neon and red glow
Got me thinkin' 'bout givin' all in
Something told me it was you
Song: Tightrope by Zayn

Harry was silent the entire ride back to my house. After we had turned the golf cart back in and thanked John for letting us on the grounds after hours, we headed back to my place where we had just arrived moments ago.

"You're coming in, right?" I asked tentatively. This was most likely our last night together and a part of me was terrified that he was going to want to just drop me off after the events that had just occurred.

"Of course." he said softly, giving me a half-smile. It was clear that he had other things on his mind.

We both climbed out of the car and entered the property through the back gate, silently making our way to my guest house. I glanced at the pool, a memory of us together flashing in my mind as we walked past.

Was this how it was going to be once he left? Places and things and people causing painful flashbacks to that one summer that he was mine? Daily reminders of the time that I had it all with him.

Once inside, we quietly kicked off our shoes before standing around awkwardly, neither one of us knowing what to say to break the silence it would seem. I glanced at Harry as he nervously shuffled his feet on my tile floor, raking his fingers through his hair before shaking it out. He did that little movement frequently, often times when he was nervous or uncomfortable I had come to realize.

"Do you want a drink or something?" I offered, looking for something, anything, to break up the quietness.

"Uh, sure. Water's fine." Harry replied.

I felt his eyes burn into me as I busied myself with getting us both a glass of water. I walked back over to him, handing him a glass, taking a small sip of my own.

"Thanks."

"Sure. Do you want to sit down?" I gestured nervously at the couch.

"Uh, yeah." Harry nodded, walking to the couch and taking a seat. I promptly followed, sitting down next to him and setting both of our almost-untouched waters on the coffee table.

Jesus. I hadn't planned on our last night together being this awkward but for some reason, it was. I think it must have been the combination of Harry's admissions and me finally coming to terms with my feelings, plus the looming fact that he was leaving that created a perfect storm of uneasiness. Whatever it was, I hated it.

"Well this is fucking awkward." Harry admitted with a forced laugh.

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank god you think so. I was beginning to think it was just me."

"No, it's fucking weird as shit." Harry shook his head. I noticed his body relax a minuscule amount. "I'm sorry, it's probably my fault. All that shit I said earlier."

I immediately shut down his self-deprecation.

"No! No, don't think that. I'm so glad you told me what you did. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I pushed you. Harder than I should have. I'm sorry, Harry. I should have let you tell me everything on your own, when you were ready." I apologized quietly. I'm glad that he finally told me about the trauma of his childhood but I felt extremely guilty that I made him do so in such a state of duress.

"I don't think I ever would have been ready. I've never talked about any of that before." Harry admitted softly, playing with the rings on his fingers. He was avoiding eye contact, focusing his eyes downward instead.