I Wanna Be Yours (Jean Kirstein x Fem! Reader)

Seventeen (17) - Her Question

Y/n's question in her last sentence made Jean feel irritated even more. Okay, he's gonna admit he really is wasting his life by joining the survey corps and accepting an early death at any time. But does he have a choice?

If he joined the MPB...

Will Marco and their comrades who died, forgive him for running away and staying ignorant after what they all went through and wtinessed?

"You could've just...stayed being a coward and choose to be selfish." Y/n said. Jean's mouth slight-opened.

He let out an annoyed grunt. "What the hell?! What is your problem?!" Jean asked, now he's at his limits.

Y/n is strangely being an ass to him when it's their first meeting right after their battle in Trost district.

"This! This is my problem!" Y/n said, pointing at their situation right now.

"I don't get it, Jean! Why did you have to come here when you know it's fucking dangerous and you could die anytime?! Why did you have to act so brave and heroic by joining in here?!" Y/n's voice raised, she totally lose her cool. She's mad...No, she's actually....

Scared.

She's scared that she could lose Jean anytime. Because he chose to become a scout who could die at any time or any day. She's scared to lose her love.

"What...? Is that what you really think about me joining here?! I told you! I did not come here because I wanted to! I came here becauze I need to! I'm not acting brave nor heroic! I'm here because...!! Because I realized that I atleast have to give meaning to the deaths of our friends! I have to give their deaths justice and not let it be in vain! And most importantly! I don't want to become ignorant anymore!"

Y/n's eyes widened because of Jean's words. Jean shouted at her, but she doesn't feel offended, and she doesn't know why her eyes suddenly became glossy. Jean shut his eyes when he felt it starting to feel hot because of tears.

The tears he's been holding back ever since he saw Marco's dead body.

And now those unshed tears wants to fall from his eyes already, Y/n really made him feel so annoyed and angry that he just wants to snap at her and cry. "Why are you so mad about this?"

Y/n gritted her teeth, she helf back her tears. I won't cry. No. I don't want to cry in front of him...not anymore!

"Because you're stupid." Y/n said.

She grabbed Jean's shirt and stared at him straight in the eye.

Jean just stared at her with wide-eyes. "You're stupid! You know you're weak and yet you still chose this regiment where death will always be with you!"

Jean groaned. "What did you say?! Don't you dare insult me just because we're best friend!" Jean shouted.

His eyes widened when he saw Y/n's tears started to fall from her eyes.

Y/n couldn't hold it back.

Not when she's Jean. Because ever since they were kids, he's the reason why Y/n can freely let her emotions out. Y/n's gripped on Jean's collar loosen. She looked down and teared up. "I...don't...want to lose you, Jean."

Jean blinked twice. He felt his heart beat fast and heard it beating loud. Though, he felt a strange pain on his heart when he heard Y/n crying in a low sound. "I don't want you to be here because I know I could lose you."

Y/n slowly let go of Jean's collar. Her hands rested on his chest, the h/c girl calmed down, yet she's still crying.

Jean stared at Y/n who refuses to look at him. He's suprised by Y/n's words. He knows he's important to Y/n.