In Your Arms

December pt.2

"Jamie hi!" Cove's voice was the comfort they didn't know they needed.
"Cove, you don't know how badly I needed to talk to you" They laughed through the sobs.
"Hey is everything ok? What's going on? Please talk to me"
"I'm just so tired I don't even know what to do anymore," They couldn't stop from crying anymore and the tears fell fast, "I don't want to bother you or family anymore. I'm just a burden on everyone and most days I don't even want to get out of bed. I just- I just don't know what to do"
"I- I wish I was there to hold you, and just tell you how much you're loved by everyone. You're an amazing person and you're not a burden on anyone, you're just depressed and that's ok" How did Cove always know what to say.
"Do you want me to stay on the phone with you tonight?" He asked
"Yes, I just don't want to be alone right now"
They talked most of the night until Jamie fell asleep.
    Today was Christmas eve, but this year it just didn't feel the same, there was no excitement like they had when they were little. The family was supposed to go to their grandparents' house today to have dinner, they didn't want to go but it was important to their parents. They were tired and just didn't want to get out of bed, but they knew they had to if they didn't get up now they were probably just going to spend all day in bed.
"Jamie!" Liz yelled from downstairs, "It's almost noon"
"I'll be down in a minute!" They sounded so annoyed even though they didn't mean to they were just so tired.
    They got dressed and dragged themself downstairs, everything felt like a struggle these days.
"Look who's finally up," Mom said, "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah I'm fine"
"Ok well everyone into the car it's time to get going!" Mom was excited to see her parents. The drive was about an hour so she didn't see them that much.
    Everyone got into the car and Ma turned on some music. Jamie stared out the window at the far too familiar scenery, they couldn't help but think of how things never change around here, it's always the same, it's just all the interest that was there from when they were young. The drive was long and boring and Jamie listened to music while their parents and Liz talked. They wanted to join in but knew that their social battery was already going to be drained by the family meeting.
"What do you think Jamie?" Liz asked
"Huh, what?"
Liz sighed and said, "Are you listening? Did you want to go anywhere this summer?"
Jamie couldn't even imagine the summer. It seemed so far away, it didn't feel like a tangible time, "I don't really care. Honestly, anything is fine with me"
"Well I was thinking we could go somewhere with Cove's family, maybe D.C or somewhere else with a lot of museums," Mom piped into the conversation
"Oh, that sounds like fun! I don't think I've been down to D.C since Liz was two," Ma sounded excited at the prospect of going somewhere
"Yeah I think you're right it has been a while! We should definitely go then,"
    Jamie started to tune out the conversation again, going somewhere sounded nice and a change was probably good for them. They decided that they should probably text Miranda and Tery too, But before they could, a text came from Cove.
"Hey, what's your favorite book," Then another text, "I know it's They Both Die In The End, but I wanted to check and make sure"-Cove
Jamie replied, "Yeah it is! I absolutely love that book," "But why are you asking?"
"Oh no reason >:)"-Cove
Jamie knew that Cove was up to something, but couldn't decide what it was. They decided they still needed to text Miranda and Terry.
"Happy Christmas Eve!" They put the message into the group chat they had with them and Cove.
"JAMIE! YOUR ALIVE!!!"-Terry Jamie winced when they realized they hadn't talked to Terry since the last time they were at school.
"It's you're, not your, but hi everyone!"-Miranda, always the grammar police.
"What are you guys all doing today?"-Cove
"We're having dinner with my whole family and then we are going to see a movie!"-Miranda
"I don't know yet, I think we might go to a drive-through Christmas light show,"-Terry
"My family is heading up to my grandparents' house," "What about you?"
"My mom and I are staying home and watching Christmas movies and ordering take-out,"-Cove
"Oh my god, guys have you seen the drama with X???"-Terry
    The conversation continued with everyone talking about whatever they wanted, it felt good to be able to talk to their friends. Pretty soon they arrived at their grandparents' house, it was an older ranch-style house at the end of a cul de sac. Jamie hadn't been here in about five years so it was weird for them to see it, it looked smaller and more worn down, the flower beds that they remember being shooed out of when they were little were now overgrown and dried up. The tree they used to play on with Liz was gone and all that was left was a patch of dirt. They wanted to go back to when they were young, to when they were actually happy. Everything had changed, they weren't a child anymore, they weren't innocent and that hurt more than anything.
Grandma and grandpa came out of the house and grandma shouted out, "Pam, Noelani! And my babies!"
"Mom!" Mom outstretched her arms and gave her parents a big hug.
"Oh, and there are my grandbabies! You've both gotten so Big!" Grandma came over and squeezed the life out of Jamie and Liz.
"Ok Linda that's enough we don't want any squeezed guts like the last set of kids," Their grandpa luckily stepped in, and the whole family laughed at his joke.
    Everyone said their greetings and headed inside. Grandpa brought out a board game and in the end, it turned out that Scarlet had killed Plum in the bathroom with the rope. Even Jamie ended up having fun and laughing with the rest of the family. Eventually, Ma was tossing salad while Liz was taking mashed potatoes off the stove and Grandma was finishing up the chicken. The table was set and everyone sat down to enjoy the feast.
"So Jamie, what's new with you?" Grandpa's question burned at Jamie's gut, nothing was new, they were just more depressed but they couldn't say that.
"Oh not much we had midterms and those were fine,"
"Really nothing else new?"
"Um I've been drawing more," they had nothing they could really say.
Grandpa seemed satisfied with that answer and turned his questions over to Liz who was more than happy to speak.
"Well the project was going pretty well, but at the last minute, our group decided that we wanted to change almost the whole thing. It was super stressful but definitely the right decision, the teacher loved our project!"
Ma decided to chip in too, "I remember days like that, luckily I am years down the line from college," She laughed thinking of when she was much younger.
    The conversation droned on, Jamie's social battery was already far overspent. They wanted to go home and sleep, but they also wanted to spend time with their family, they loved their family and knew their family loved them.
"Jamie, Jamie, are you spacing out again?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry Mom," Why are they always zoning out?
"I wanted to know if you were up to taking a trip out to San Diego over the break? I know it is a bit of a drive, but we could stay down there for a few days,"
Liz added, "There's soooo much we could do down there like the San Diego zoo, La Jolla Shores Park, hang gliding, or shopping!"
"And it would get you out of the house for a few days," Mom was making a good point, no matter how tiring it would be, it was good for Jamie to do something with their time.
    Jamie pushed their food around their plate and pretended to be invested in their gravy and potatoes.
"Yeah that sounds ok," They didn't want to go but they knew they had to.
Ma spoke first, "That's great then! I'll start planning everything now!" Ma loved planning if she could plan every day of her life she would.
    Dinner finished up and dessert was brought out, a heaping pile of cake and meringue was put onto Jamie's plate. They didn't want it. Their food moved around their plate without actually making it to their mouth, getting mushier and mushier. They yawned and laid their fork down while listening to the idle chatter of their family. Soon came goodbyes and wishes off for the holidays. It was already 10 and Jamie was done with the day, they wanted to go home and hide underneath their blanket. They slumped up the stairs, changed into some pajamas, and fell asleep.