In Your Arms

December pt.1

Winter was always a hard time for Jamie, no sun, school stress, cold weather, and worst of all no Cove. Cove spent winter break with his mom which meant that the only time they got to see him was when they called every night, but it wasn't the same it wasn't him, it wasn't his warmth evenopling them in a hug, it wasn't him being there for their breakdowns, and that's what Jamie needed right now.
They pressed the call button again praying that Cove would finally pick up the tears falling faster than they had been. Jamie could barely see the phone screen through the tears in their eyes but they kept fumbling for the call button.
"Hello? Jamie?"
Jamie cried a sob of relief just happy to hear Cove's voice.
"Cove, oh god Cove I'm sorry I woke you up didn't I. God I just- I needed to hear your voice"
"Jaime what's going on? Are you ok?" Cove sounded worried and half asleep.
"No it's- it's fine I- it's stupid I'll let you go back to sleep" Jamie felt guilty they knew it was the middle of the night but called Cove anyways.
"No I'm up and you're crying tell me what's wrong"
"It's just really hard right now I just don't know what to do. I needed to hear your voice. I thought it would get easier but the meds aren't helping, therapy isn't helping, nothing is fucking helping, I just can't do this anymore" Jaime started crying again they didn't want to bother Cove but knew he was the only one they could turn to.
Cove took a minute before answering, he sounded worried, "Hey it's going to be alright I know it's tough and I know it feels helpless but it will get better maybe not right now but it will get better. I- I wish I could give you a hug, I wish I was there, I'm sorry Jamie"
Jamie wiped some of the tears from their eyes and took 3 big breaths like they had been taught, "No don't apologize it- it's fine, it's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine,"
"I just really needed to hear your voice I'll let you go to bed now" They weren't fine, they were never fine but right now they had to be, they had to let Cove go to bed and try and deal with this themself.
"I can stay up it's fine really, I don't want you to be alone right now"
Cove's genuine concern made Jamie hurt even more. They knew that their problems were affecting Cove too, but they didn't know what to do, they didn't know who to go to, they didn't know anything anymore.
"Jaime? You still there?"
"Yeah I'm here. I'm going to go to bed thank you Cove, I love you goodnight"
"Are you sure? I can stay up it's fine, I want to make sure you're ok"
"I'll be fine, goodnight" Jamie wasn't sure if they were actually going to be fine but if they said it enough times maybe it would be true.
"Goodnight Jamie I love you" Cove sounded tired. Fuck. Jaime knew that they were just a burden on him but they also knew that he loved them.
Cove had hung up the phone and Jamie just sat there. They weren't crying anymore and they felt a lot more calm. They needed to go to sleep. It was already 4am and they were exhausted, even though they did nothing all day. But of course like almost every night they couldn't sleep they just laid there hoping that things would get better, needing things to get better.
Jamie woke up to the sound of their mom at their door, knocking lightly and calling their name.
"Jamie honey? Jamie, are you up? It's already noon"
They hated how their parents walked on eggshells around them; they just wanted to be left alone.
"Yeah I'm up" You hated how you sounded annoyed at everything these days.
"Ok well there's breakfast- or should I say lunch downstairs. Me and Ma are heading out for a few hours so watch the house and make sure you eat something"
She sounded sad Jamie knew that their problems were affecting the whole family.
"Ok"
Jamie rolled out of bed after hearing their mom's steps on the stairs. They didn't want to get up just yet but it was already noon. It was Sunday or maybe Monday they couldn't remember anymore the days all blended together. School had only gotten out on Friday and they were already struggling with the idea of going back in two weeks. They pulled on a sweatshirt and looked at their un-brushed hair, faded dye streaking through it. Back when they actually had the energy to care about what it looked like. Jamie picked up their phone and saw a few texts from Cove.
"Good morning! How did you sleep?"