Script from Shrek

Script shrek

DONKEY: Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.

PINOCCHIO: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.

SHREK: What?

PINOCCHIO: We were forced to come here.

SHREK: (flabbergasted) By who?

LITTLE PIG: Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice.

SHREK: (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this... "Farquaad" guy is?

Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.

DONKEY: Oh, I do. I know where he is!

SHREK: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?

DONKEY: Me! Me!

SHREK: Anyone?

DONKEY: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!

SHREK: (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention all...fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd cheers wildly.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me.

DONKEY: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!

DONKEY: (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again.

SHREK: What did I say about singing?

DONKEY: Can I whistle?

SHREK: No.

DONKEY: Can I hum it?

SHREK: All right, hum it.

Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.

DULOC - DUNGEON

A masked man is pouring a glass of milk. Another man is shown walking down the hallway towards the room. As he is let into the room by two guards, we can see that the man is abnormally short. The masked man is dunking a small person into the glass of milk.

FARQUAAD: (stepping forward) That's enough. He's ready to talk.

The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk by Thelonious and is slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad manically laughs as he walks over to the table. When he reaches the table we see that it only goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.

FARQUAAD: (he picks up the Gingy's severed legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!

GINGY: You're a monster.

FARQUAAD: I'm not the monster here, you are. (throws one leg at Gingy) You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world (crumbes his other leg into dust). Now, tell me! Where are the others?!

GINGY: Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.)

FARQUAAD: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he grabs one of Gingy's gumdrop buttons)

GINGY: No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons!

FARQUAAD: All right then. Who's hiding them?

GINGY: Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?

FARQUAAD: The muffin man?

GINGERBREAD MAN: The muffin man.

FARQUAAD: Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?