Script from Shrek

Script shrek

GEPPETTO: This little wooden puppet.

PINOCCHIO: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)

THE CAPTAIN: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

PINOCCHIO: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! (Geppetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.)

THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got?

OLD WOMAN: Well, I've got a talking donkey.

THE CAPTAIN: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

OLD WOMAN: Oh, go ahead, little fella. (Donkey stays silent).

THE CAPTAIN: Well?..

OLD WOMAN: Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. (Smacks Donkey) Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk!

THE CAPTAIN: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

OLD WOMAN: No, no, he talks! He does. (Moving Donkey's lips) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

THE CAPTAIN: Get her out of my sight.

OLD WOMAN: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and starts floating upwards.

DONKEY: Hey! I can fly!

PETER PAN: He can fly!

THREE LITTLE PIGS: He can fly!

THE CAPTAIN: He can talk?!

DONKEY: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (The pixie dust's effects begin to wear off) Uh-oh. (He drops out of the air and hits the ground with a thud.)

THE CAPTAIN: Seize him!

Donkey dodges the guards as they try to grab him and runs deeper into the forest.

GUARDS: He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!

Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs head first into Shrek's backside. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him and glares down at Donkey. Donkey looks scared of Shrek for a moment, but he quickly hides him after seeing that the guards have caught up to him.

THE CAPTAIN: You there. Ogre!

SHREK: Aye?

THE CAPTAIN: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and...(Shrek slowly approaches the group of guards, the guards visibly frightened by him) transport you to... a designated...resettlement...facility?

SHREK: Oh, really? You and what army? (Smiles)

The Captain looks behind himself and sees that all the other guards have abandoned him. The Captain tucks tail and runs off. Shrek shakes his head and starts walking back to his swamp. Donkey, impressed by Shrek, follows him.

DONKEY: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!

SHREK: Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa!

DONKEY: Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.