Script from Shrek

Script shrek

DONKEY: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?

FIONA: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your...(Shrek gives her quick shake) Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc the better.

DONKEY: Oh you're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!

FIONA: And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?

SHREK: Let me put it this way, princess (drops her on the ground). Men of Farquaad's stature are in,,,,short supply. (he and Donkey laugh)

Shrek washes his face off with the water of a nearby pond.

DONKEY: I don't know. There are those who think...little of him. (they laugh again)

FIONA: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

SHREK: Yeah, well, maybe you're right, princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.

FIONA: (looks at the setting sun, worried) Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?

SHREK: No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.

FIONA: But there's....robbers in the woods.

DONKEY: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is definitely starting to sound good.

SHREK: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.

FIONA: I need to find somewhere to camp now!

Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her.

CLIFFSIDE

Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave.

SHREK: Hey! Over here.

DONKEY: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.

FIONA: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.

SHREK: Homey touches? Like what? (he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.)

FIONA: A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. (goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her)

DONKEY: You want me to read you a bedtime story? Cause I will.

FIONA: I said good night!

Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside.

DONKEY: Shrek, what are you doing?!

SHREK: (laughs) I just--you know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.

CLIFFSIDE - LATER THAT NIGHT

Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey. SHREK: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.

DONKEY: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?

SHREK: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. (chuckles) DONKEY: Alright now I know you're making this up.