My Everything In His Past (2nd Book of 'In His Past' Series)

Chapter 37

"I-I can't Kuya . . ." iyak niyang tanggi habang mariing umiling-iling. 

"Please Apple Pie," tila nahihirapang ani ni Kuya Zy. It was her first time seeing him so conflicted. Kapag nakikita niya ito ay confidence at finality ang unang pumapasok sa kaniyang isipan. Para bang may plano na ito para sa lahat at kahit pa man may problemang dumating ay alam na nito kaagad ang solusyon. Not this time. He looked so stressed and upset about the situation right now. "Just please . . . trust me on this one. I don't want what happened to me, happen to Yohan too."

"Kuya Zy? A-Anong ginawa ng Dad niyo sa iyo?" naguguluhan niyang tanong. 

Did he have a girlfriend too? Pinaghiwalay rin ba ito ng tatay nito?

Unti-unti siyang naglakad pabalik sa sala at naupo sa katapat na sofa ni Kuya Zy bago matiim na tiningnan ito. Hindi siya nagsalita bagkus ay hinintay lamang itong magkwento. Kalaunan naman ay malakas na bumuntung-hininga si Kuya Zy nang mapagtanto nito na wala siyang planong bitawan ang tungkol sa tanong niya.

"Ever since I was a kid, I was restricted to do a lot of things. Nakadagdag doon ang pagiging eldest son ko kaya naman maraming bawal para sa akin. Bawal maglaro. Bawal makipag-usap sa iba. Bawal makipagkaibigan kung wala naman akong makukuhang kapalit. My father viewed all of those as a hole where people can use to stab me in the back. As an eldest son and soon to be successor of his legacy, I needed to be cold to everyone . . . even to my own mother."

"Kahit sa Mom niyo?!" hindi niya makapaniwalang tanong dito na tinanguhan naman ni Kuya Zy.

"I can't be close to my Mom because my father saw it as a weakness too. I grew up with those emotions even when my brothers were born. I saw them and I felt nothing. I was cold to Yohan and Xavier when they were little, but it changed when I met Louisa," pagpapatuloy ni Kuya Zy sa kwento nito ngunit nang mabanggit nito ang pangalan na iyon ay may munting ngiti na umukit sa mga labi nito. It was as if just hearing that name was enough to make him happy. First time niyang nakita na ganuon si Kuya Zy kaya naman naninibago siya.

"Louisa . . ." mahinang bulong niya sa sarili bago ito tinanong. "Who is she?"

Tinitigan muna siya ni Kuya Zy bago ito sumagot. "A friend . . . a very close friend."

"Nakakagulat na marinig na may babaeng kayang maging kaibigan mo Kuya. Para kasing ang hirap mong pakisamahan," amin niya dito ngunit kinagulat naman niya ang sinagot nito.

"Louisa was a gay man," he answered, making her jaw drop. "She likes to be addressed as a woman so I started using "she" when referring to her."

"Bakla ang bestfriend mo Kuya Zy?!" hindi pa rin siya makapaniwala habang nakatitig dito.

"Why? Is there something wrong with that?" tanong nito na tila ba hindi nagustuhan ang naging reaction niya. 

"Hindi naman sa ganuon Kuya Zy. It's just that . . . usually kasi, ang mga lalakeng barumbado na katulad mo ang umaastang parang allergic sa mga bakla. Tapos idagdag pa diyan na hindi ka rin mahilig makipagkaibigan. Talagang magugulat ako na sa rami-raming pwedeng magpa-amo sa iyo ay bakla talaga ang nakagawa," defend naman niya sa sarili.

Mukhang tinanggap naman ni Kuya Zy ang kaniyang sinabi dahil unti unti itong kumalma. "Actually, you have the same attitude and characteristics as her," amin ni Kuya Zy na agad namang nagpakuha ng atensyon niya. "She was bright and cheerful, no matter what you say to her, she has a perfect comeback for it. Kahit lalake siya ay hindi siya nahihiyang manamit na parang babae. I remembered going on a wig shopping with her. Mahilig kasi siya sa iba't-ibang wigs. Whenever we go out, she would dress up as a girl and a lot of people would assume that she was my girlfriend." Pinanood niya habang nakangiting nagkwekwento si Kuya Zy. Hindi na nga ito nakatingin sa kaniya at para bang nakalimutan na ang kaniyang presensya doon. It doesn't take a genius to see that he cares for this gay man.

"How did you met Kuya Zy?" curious niyang tanong. Base na rin sa sinabi ni Kuya kanina na hindi ito mahilig makipag-close sa iba ay talagang nahihirapan siyang intindihin kung bakit naging malapit na magkaibigan ang dalawa.

"I met her during my high school years. She was in the same class as me," tipid na sagot ni Kuya Zy ngunit tiningnan lamang niya ito ng mariin na para bang hinihikayat pa itong magsalita. Nagpatuloy na lamang si Kuya na magkwento pa dahil sa pag-uudyok niya. "She was so persistent to be my friend and I always turn a cold shoulder on her. Then she suddenly started becoming close with other people and I started feeling jealous. Dahil sa selos na iyon ay naging magkaibigan kami. She . . . changed me in many ways. I started becoming a loving brother because of her."

"You like her?" Wala na siyang pakialam kung walang preno ang kaniyang bibig. Halatang-halata ang nararamdaman ni Kuya Zy para kay Louisa.

"I . . ." tila nag-aalangang sagot ni Kuya Zy kaya naman siya na mismo ang sumagot para dito.

"You love her." This time ay hindi na patanong ang sinabi niya. Hindi na kailangan pa ng kung ano-anong investigation at panggigisa upang malaman niya iyon.

Napatahimik si Kuya Zy dahil sa mariing sinaad niya bago unti-unting napakumo ang kamao at umigting ang panga sa galit. "She's dead . . . and my father killed her to stop me from turning gay."