Comprehension

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I'm so thirsty for you on some nights i feel i might die. I push you to the further parts of my mind in order to conceal what my heart has already set up ,but you linger ,and you glimmer ,and when you do, you show in the hints of love ,and kindness, and tenderness that i've somehow managed to withhold, you bring out the sweetest parts of me_

look and you will see

"behold my love ,here lies my love ,burried under
dead roses and hidden secrets from days of my early youth".

I seduce him in my attempt to reduce the emptiness of the loss i have felt ,since you've drifted afar, out of reach from even me ,a maker of dreams_
if tonight i am to have one wish it would be to exist in a time when i can have you for more than a few fleeting moments. I've undressed her , had her come undone whilst all i did was wish she was you ,maybe then i'd have loved her.
What ifs ,what ifs
,you and i are but a chapter of what ifs...

Why do you linger? Are you meant to? Do you mean to haunt me with this useless thing i've taken no liking to over the years? Those eyes ,they mean to spite me ,they mean to mock me with how much i have come to adore them ,how much i've come to adore you. Or maybe you're just a thought...

Are you? Were we real? Did my mind construct some kind of fiction ,a place where i loved you ,and you loved me in return? I think not. I love you ,it's true ,i always have. And you loved me at a time when love came through in a way that i could not receive it. I could say a million things to convey the depth of my affections ,but the fact of the matter is ,that i would give up my warmth if just to spend a day building a snowman out in the cold with you.

Forgive me , i'm tired ,and empty ,and i long for what we could have been. Tonight i look out to the moon and i ask her if she hears you whisper of me too... What i would have given ,to have only but a fraction of forever with you.