Dear Kaden

The night was chilly. The Northeast monsoon has started to send shivers in my spine and I think that the wine I drank added to the sensation. I was wearing my favorite shirt he gifted when I received my award at work; it was made in a thin white fabric, and I paired it with my favorite jeans he likes me wearing since it hugs my curves perfectly. A text message interrupted my thoughts of him, it was a text message from one of my bridesmaids and best friend, Alida, telling me that eveyone is set for the fittings.

I laughed. But it was laughter full of sadness as I think of my soon-to-be husband that I haven't talked to for the longest time, in the middle of all our wedding preparations.

Another text came in, it was from him this time. 

"Babe, I can't fetch you tonight. I'm sorry. Meetings." 

Is this the man I was with for the past ten years? I kept on asking that myself. I was on a day off and he knows it. He knows my schedule. But, he seems too occupied for him to remember even the smallest detail of my life recently.

On the day of my bridesmaids' fittings, I didn't let them notice that everything is becoming a heavy burden to me, as I get nervous that I want to call off the wedding. Kaden and I are so distant the past few months and I feel like that I'm being left behind before the wedding even started. He does not go to any of our suppliers' meetings, in his tuxedo fitting he sent his bestfriend instead because, guess it, he has work. I have too! I want to scream at that straight to his face. 

Why did he even bother to ask me to marry him if he would just make me feel abandoned and unnoticed? I cannot help myself to doubt and fear keeps on creeping me out.

I told my mom everything. She did not take anyone's side but she advised me to reach out to him and tell him what I feel like I always did before.

I waited for him to be be online to the time we set to meet virtually everyday but he did not obvioiusly online. 

So I wrote him a hand-written message instead.

Dear Kaden,

I love you to the fullest that I doubt even myself if I'm worthy of you. I feel like you are so unreachable and cold recently. Why? Is there something wrong? I wish I could  see your thoughts so I could understand you everyday, but baby, I can't. I need words from you. I am in the point that I memorized all your excuses and that sometimes I wanted to call your receptionist to make sure if you're really having a meeting. I need you in this time more than ever. I miss you. Please tell me that you do the same.

XX,

Sadie

The next morning on my way to work, I pass by to their office to leave the letter I wrote for him. I was anxious the whole morning waiting for him to call me. Then when it's my lunch time he called.

"Hey K, is it your lunch too?"  I immediately asked him when I picked it.

"Yup, cause it's your lunchtime babe. Remember?" 

And I was taken aback. Kaden's lunch schedule is flexible, he adjusts to my schedule so we could eat together and the last time we did it was last year, before the engagement.

"Hello babe?" and that's when I started to cry. He surely read the letter I wrote him, that's the only explanation why he's down in our building. I rushed in the elevator to see him, and from afar he already saw me. He was standing below the shade of the Acacia tree with a radiant smile and a cup of large boba milktea.

I hugged him tight and he did the same. At that point I could not stop myself from crying while he pats my back.

"I have read your letter. I'm sorry. I am working so hard for us, thinking that it is gonna benefit us but definitely no. It affected you, us."  he said to my ears.

"I'm sorry if I did not think of your intention. I was just scared that I'm losing you."

"No babe, I should be the one to be sorry. I should have considered your feelings and I'm sorry for not being with you in our wedding preps." 

And then we kissed. 

My mom was right, communication never fails. In the ten years that we are in a relationship we've never been that understanding to each other. And I'm glad that we matured enough to accept what we fall short of and compromised in times such that

Therefore, we were happily married.