Of all the things

Chapter Seventeen

But the last time we talked he was so loving and sweet. He even said that he missed me and he was looking at me with so much fondness, what could've changed.

"Hailey, tawag ka ni Dad." Narinig ko ang boses ni Kuya Heath matapos niyang kumatok sa pinto ng silid ko. Hindi naman ako gumalaw. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see even my dad. I want Theo and I want to hear his voice.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto ang lumipas nang bumukas nang bahagya at mabagal ang pinto ng silid ko. I had to sit up and wipe my tears. I saw Mom and Dad. Magkahawak kamay pa silang dalawa. Si Daddy ay seryoso, wala akong makitang kahit na anong emosyon sa mukha niya, but his eyes are telling me something else. Si Mama naman ay agad akong tinabihan. She ut her protective arms around my shoulders for me to move closer to her. Kahit paano ay nakakaramdam ako ng pagkalma, pero saglit lang iyon, one look at my dad and all the nerves came back. I had to bite my lower lip to keep myself from whimpering. Nakakaiyak ang mga tinging iyon ni Daddy.

"W-what's wrong?"

"Hailey, Dad is going to tell you something, okay? I want you to listen and calm down, and I want you to remember how much we love you, that no matter what happens we are here for you."

I looked at my mother, why is she telling me this? Ito iyong mga sinasabi ng mga nanay kapag may nangyaring hindi maganda sa mga anak nila o kaya man ay may masamang balita silang dala – dala. Did something happen? My eyes flew back to my father. I was waiting. He seemed to be having second thoughts on this. Napalunok ako.

"Oh please! Just tell me! You're killing me with anticipation! Did someone die? Did something happen? What?!"

"The deal with Theo is off, Hailey." Mahina, ngunit mariin at puno ng conviction na wika ni Dad. Humigpit agad ang kamay ni Mama na nakalagay sa balikat ko. If it was possible, she would've pulled me closer. Hindi ko naintindihan nang maayos ang sinasabi ni Daddy. Titig na titig lang ako sa kanya, wala akong nararamdaman, hindi ko nga alam na umiiyak pala ako, I got aware of it when Mom wiped my tears.

"I'm sorry, baby girl." Mommy whispered to my ear.

"I'm so sorry, Hailey. Hindi ko dapat ito ginawa." Malungkot na wika ni Daddy. "I promised that I will never let anyone hurt you but because of this thing that I wanted you to do, nasaktan ka na naman." Hindi makatingin si Daddy sa akin. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. How did it happen?

"No..." Nangingini ang boses ko. "Theo will never do that to me. He would never make me cry. He said that he would never hurt me. I believe him. Hindi niya basta io-off ang deal because it's not a deal for him anymore. He said that he loves me, he said that I am worth everything and that I deserve the best, Daddy..." Halos gumapang ako makababa lang sa kama para lumapit sa kanya. "Daddy please, please don't say that. Theo will never hurt me. He loves me! He said so! I believe him! I love him, Daddy, please! Please!"

Halos mabali ang katawan ko sa pagpupumiglas sa mga yakap ni Daddy. Why is this happening to me? Theo will never do that to me!

"Daddy, daddy..." I was sobbing like a little girl. "You... you said you'd give me everything..." Naramdaman kong tumayo si Mama sa likuran ko. Hinahaplos – haplos niya ang balikat ko. "I want Theo. I love him, Daddy. I want him. Please make it work, please... please... beg you." Iyak ako nang iyak. Si Mama ay niyayakap ako, si Dad naman ay titig na titig lang sa akin. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko.

Why did he change his mind? Hindi niya ba talaga ako mahal? I tried to do everything, I am willingly submitting myself to him. I want to give him everything – my all is him. Why did he have to make me fall this hard, iiwanan niya lang pala ako?