Insecure

Explain Yourself Part 2

After a few more minutes of a deafening silence, we pull up to my decaying apartment building. "This is it." I state. " Still want to date me now?" I ask fiercely while getting out the car. I'm about to walk away when he opens the door and walks toward me. "What are you doing?"
He smiles and places a piece of paper in my hands. "It's my number." Oh God, he's a pedophile. I nod my head before walking up the steps to the apartment. I wait to see him drive off before dashing up the steps.

When I reach my door I stop in my tracks, remembering what faces me on the other side of the door. I take deep calming breathes to gather my nerves. Maybe, I can just lock myself in my room and pretend I don't hear them. No that's stupid. I have to do what Gabby said. I can't keep running away.

I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans before inserting the keys imto my door. The excessive amount of screaming is more noticeable when I open the door. It stops when they hear the door open. My mother is standing over my "father" while he sits on the couch rubbing the crease in between his eyebrows. My mother walks over to me with a nervous smile while my father walks over shaking his head. As he stands I notice the pillow and blanket that are laid across the couch He must have slept over last night.

"Darling, you're back. I was so worried about you." She says while pulling me into a hug. My body stiffens in her arms and I don't know how to react. "Where have you been? You weren't with that boy were you?" My father speaks up at the mention of a boy," You're seeing someone?" He scrunches his nose like how I do when I don't like something. I feel a lecture coming on. This is completely side tracking. I came here for answers not for them to steer me in the opposite direction.

I push my mom off of me and walk past both of them. " yes, I have a boyfriend. I didn't come here to talk about me. I came to find out what you guys have been hiding from me." At the sound of telling the truth they become dead silent. I let out a frustrated noise that resembles somebody dying. I rub my eyes, feeling a headache coming.

" I want answers. Mom, why did you lie about my father being dead?" I question, pointing an excusing finger at her. " I-I didn't want you to leave me." She says, defeated. I squint my eyes at her, almost baffled at what she just said. Wasn't she the one who thought me being kidnapped was a good thing! Uhhhh. "What do you mean. You hate me!"

She shakes her head repeatedly and says, "No. No I don't. I just - I heard that your father was coming and I didn't want you to leave me for him." She admits.

"So you pretended that you liked me, so I wouldn't leave you. You even went as far to say that he was dead! Unbelievable! Are you insane?" I feel my heart pick up speed as I process everything. I was really happy that she seemed to care or atleast feel sorry for the past 17 years of my life. Come to find out that it was all a lie. I turn back to look her in the eyes. I don't care that I'm about to cry infront of her. I want her to see that she's hurt me. She averts her eyes. I let one tear drop.

Turning towards my father, I barely choke out my next words. "So you came here to laugh at how terrible our lives have been?" He takes a deep breath. Here it comes. It's bad to have one parent that hates me, but if both hate me than I might just dig my own grave. "No, I've been looking for you two for the past 6 years, but your mother has been keeping you hidden." I blink a few times. What he said flew right over my head. " I'm sorry. W-what did you just say?" I ask. Maybe I heard wrong. " I've been searching for you. I wanted to get you back. You're mother ran off with you after I told her I wanted to split up because I fell in love with someone else. I never wanted to lose you. I just couldn't stay with your mother anymore and when I finally found you, your mother tried everything to get me away from you. I've been coming to your house, everyday for the past week, trying to get in touch with you."

My head honestly feels like it's going to explode. I feel sick. I barely make it to the trash can before I throw up my breakfast. My father rushes over to me and pats my back gently while I puke up the rest of my guts. " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

I wipe my mouth and head to the sink, rinsing my mouth out. When I'm finished I turn towards my mother who is shaking with fear and my father who has pity in his eyes. I walk over to my mother and say the words that I know will hurt her the most. " I'm leaving and I want nothing to do with you." I brush past her and walk towards my room with my father following close behind. "Where are you going because my children have been dying to meet you." I stop and glare at him. Just because he shows up and claims that he's been searching for me for forever, doesn't mean I'm just going to skip into his arms. He backs up and I slam the door in his face and lock it. I go to my closet and pull my suitcase from the top shelve, opening it to put my belonging in. I throw my new clothes in it, some books, anything I might deem useful before closing it up.

I open the door and push my way past my parents and to the front door. My mother is sobbing frantically, while my father begs for a chance to prove himself. I don't want to hear any of it. I roll my suitcase down the steps, not caring how much noise it makes hitting the steps. I ignore my father, who follows after me and hit the dial button on my phone. After three rings Seth picks up.

"Hey, I was just getting ready to call you. What happened?" I turn the corner out of my neighborhood. " I - my mother lied to me and my dad popped up out of no where." I say, taking short intakes of breath. "Where are you now?" I'm almost ashamed to say, but when I see a green car following me and my father in the drivers seat I'm quick to respond. " I'm outside my neighborhood. I'm walking towards the shopping center." I say. "Okay, I'm on my way."

I exhale and thank Seth before hanging up the phone. I just need to ditch my father.