I Still Want To Do So Much - Gawsten

I Still Want To Do So Much

//Awsten's pov//

"Goodnight mom" I say hugging her, she had just said she needed to go home.

"Goodnight Awsie, don't forget to lock the door, dear" she tells me and I chuckle.

"I won't forget" I reassure her.

"It's just, this is a bad neighbourhood and I want to you to see the light tomorrow on your birthday" she says tearing up and I hug her again.

"You don't have to worry, mom, the windows don't open and I always lock the door" I continue to reassure her and she nods saying one last goodbye before she leaves.

I locked the door after she left and I went upstairs, into my bedroom.

I didn't take a shower and instead just got into my pajama, I felt observed today, probably just paranoia.

I got into my bed and almost imediatly fell asleep.

//time skip for a bit later//

I woke up to a sharp pain on my stomach and a man chuckling.

"You took your last breath on your birthday, what a coincidence" he says, but my brain doesn't have enough time to proccess that information as I feel blood on my mouth and I fall into my bed. I see all my favourite memories playing almost all at once, when I met Geoff, our first date, when I came out to my parents, when he held me as I cried when my dad died. Once again, everything turns black, this is a darker black though.

//time skip to morning//

I get up and I feel lighter, I touch my stomach and it feels and looks the same, it was probably just a nightmare.

I go downstairs and hear my mother crying in the living room, but I don't have enough time to ask what's wrong, as the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it" I shout but I could hear my mother's steps either way.

I try to open the door, but my hand keeps slipping from the doorknob and I was about to get out of my mother's way, so she could open the door, but there was a hand going through my chest, that made me freak out.

Once she opened the door I saw Geoff, he also had teary eyes, so I ran to hug him, but I just went through him.

What is happening? Why does nobody see me? I just want to hug my boyfriend and my mom.

"Is it true? Did Awsten really-" Geoff says, but he can't finish the sentence as my mother nods and he chokes on a sob.

"The cops are examining his bedroom, they already searched in the living room and there was nothing in there, so we can just stay there" mom says and Geoff nods.

They start walking to the living room and I was about to follow them when I looked down.

I was floating and I could see through myself.

Am I a ghost?

They just sit in silence, apart from the small sniffs as I desperatly try to get their attention.

Feeling overwhelmed with the sadness of the idea to not be able to talk to them anymore I lean on the table and it moves a little, making a picture frame fall.

Geoff and mom look in my direction as what happend hits me like a slap in the face.

"What was that?" Geoff asks, sniffing afterwards.

"I don't know" mom says.

They return to the silence untill Geoff decides to break it.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" Is what he asks and I look at mom expectingly.

"I believe that if the person didn't have a closure in their life, then they will try to find the closure as a spirit" mom answers with a small smile and Geoff nods, looking down as more tears fall down his face "my husband, Awsten's dad, we met when I was having a hard time, and he said he would protect me from everything bad in the world as best as he could, forever, I believe he still watches over me, and you know?" she pauses and Geoff looks up "Awsten loved the story of how I met his father when he was younger, maybe he is doing the same to you, I mean, protecting you even after d-d-" she can't finish as her voice breaks and she restarts crying.

The silence returns as they both cry, the cops soon leave my room, and say that they didn't find anything, but they'll search better tomorrow.

"I was going to give him ticlets to watch Panic! At The Disco" Geoff says out of the blue with a broken voice.

Mom doesn't have the time to say anything as there's a knock on the door and she gets up to open it.

She soon returns with Otto, who just sits down next to Geoff.

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, my mom spent the morning calling me non-stop" he apologises.

No, I hate this! I don't want to be a fucking ghost! I still want to do so much.

I fall onto Geoff's arms and I don't feel myself go through him I only feel him skip a breath before letting out a lot of sobs.

"It's like I can still feel him hugging me" he says between sobs and I hug him tighter.

//////////////

I sit up quickly, sweating from the nightmare I just had, I feel Geoff sit up next to me and I hug him as tight as I can as I let his citric scent calm me.

"Babe, what's wrong?" He asks me and I hug him tighter before letting go.

"It was just a stupid nightmare, it doesn't matter" I answer, overwhelmed with the happiness of being able to hug him.

"Okay, if you say so, dummie" he says with a laugh and I laugh too while I try to act offended.

"Well, it's already morning, do you wanna help me get everything ready for your party?" He asks me and then places a kiss on my nose.

"It's not a party, it's just a lunch" I say, acting annoyed even tough I'm not.

"Right, I forgot it was your adult lunch" he says with a giggle.

I get a sudden idea and bite the corner of my lip as I pinder if I should say it, deciding I will.

"What if instead we stayed here longer and did... other stuff" I say sugestivly and he smirks as he leans in to kiss me.

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That's it folks, hope you liked the sad and the other stuff ;).

Anyways, stay safe, drink that tasty 3am water, eat a chocolate chip cookie, and I hope you're ok if you are not you can always talk to me. Bye! <3 <3 <3 - Kellin