In Time

I could feel my heartbeat all over my body, especially my head, resonating through me like the vibration of an earthquake, unruly, insistent. It had been an exhausting day. Finally, bringing myself back into reality, for the heat of the moment had swept me away so far that I was scared to come back

As I sat at the window sill just bathing myself in the warmth of the sun's light, I was back in time at that moment, with all the crazy things that had been happening in my life, I was overwhelmed. My thoughts swarming in my head "What if this?", "What if that?" or the suicidal thoughts that'd make me think that "It's easier to be a robot" like the lyrics of a song I had written,

"It's easier to be a robot, no pointless thoughts laying me down in my bed...".

Huddling up in a fetal position as if to remind myself what it had felt like in my mothers womb, before I had even been contaminated by the world beyond my mothers 'protection'., before I had been dragged down and drowned. My hands rested in between my thighs as I let my feet slide down till they were comfortable. The feeling of the soft fabric against my skin at least had some kind of comfort. As I closed my heavy, swollen eyes slowly, letting them finally have a moment's rest, I could feel the warm tears streaming down my face, dripping off my chin. There was no more left that could be mustered out of my tired, red eyes. Moments ago they had been like an angry waterfall, shocking as they suddenly had gotten quiet. Strands of my hair dangled against my face- I had always been told to keep it in a plait or bun and not to keep it out- another one of my insecurities built up from that.

Suddenly I heard the ringing of my phone, the same ringtone I had always been using, a BTS song, the energetic type, like the happy facade I'd put on so people don't have to concern themselves with what I would call useless and pointless problems. One of my best friends was calling, snapping me back into time again as I had drifted off in my thoughts once more. I picked up the call and in a very grouchy, tired voice I tentatively answered "H-hello?"I stammered out.

"OMG!, You finally~ picked up the call"

Those words and the energy portrayed in her voice were enough to wash away everything I had been contemplating. I was finally fully IN TIME.