unexpectedly complicated (James Phelps x Reader)

2.9

✨ pls comment ✨

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"Will you stay with me?" I asked "Of course! I didn't make myself free today to then leave you for the night!"

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"Hi. I made pancakes. Do you want some?" Vincent's head peeked through my door. "No, thanks." I shook my head without even looking at him.

"You haven't eaten anything, y/n. You must be hungry." He said worriedly. "I'm not." I shrugged drawing circles onto my bed sheet with the tip of my finger staring out of the window.

I didn't feel like eating. I didn't feel like doing anything, to be completely honest. Since I accidentally picked up James's call yesterday, he stopped trying to reach me.

And the pain from that was bigger than I could ever imagine.

He gave up.

I gave up first, I knew that, but a part of me still hoped, that maybe he'd find a way to fix us when I couldn't. It was probably for the better to just not though.

Yesterday, I pretty much spent the whole day in bed. F/n left before lunch and Vince took her place watching sitcoms with me. We started out with Friends, but after some time, I couldn't stand it and we had to switch to another show. And then again. And again. And again.

I didn't do any schoolwork at all. A few of my friends tried to reach me, but I didn't answer anyone. I felt like a literal piece of garbage and didn't feel like interacting with people.

I had nothing to tell them anyway.

At some point, when Vincent was out getting us food, my phone rang. It was James again. I wanted to decline, but something in me told me not to and for some reason, I answered.

I held the phone against my ear unable to say anything, standing in my room, shivering from how scared I was of what he would say. I was even holding my breath so I wouldn't start crying.

"Y/n? Hi. I can't believe you picked up! Are you okay?" He spoke in a high-pitched voice from how surprised he was. He didn't expect me to pick up, yet he still called.

"Y/n?" He tried to get some words out of me. As I was running out of oxygen, I inhaled sharply. He must've heard it. I bit my lip but tears still formed in my eyes.

"Y/n, I know you can hear me. It's okay if you don't wanna talk. Just listen to me, please. I want you to know that I love you. So much. And I'm sorry that I made you anything but happy. I thought we could make it. And I thought we were doing good. Even though I was missing you day and night, terribly. I thought you were happy and that kept me going. Then you became more distant but I thought you were just busy. I'm so so sorry, that I wasn't able to notice how you were struggling. I should've asked more. I should've visited. I don't know why I didn't and I'm sorry for that. I love you."

I could hear his voice becoming weaker with every word he said. It was so painful to hear him like that. He was hurting at least as much as I was. And it was all my fault.

My stomach became heavy as he went quiet and I was on the verge of crying loudly.

"I love you, too," I whispered and quickly ended the call before making any other sound not letting him continue speaking.

I felt my heart break again and again as I kept going over what he said. I ruined him. Us.

He still loved me though.

And of course, I loved him as well.

My eyes flooded up with another round of tears and I just couldn't stop them from streaming down my face. There were so many things I could've told him. I could've asked him if we could see each other and maybe find a way to make us work.