ᴛʜᴇ "ɪᴛ" ɢɪʀʟ || ɴᴀᴅᴇɴ

𝐎𝐍𝐄

august 25th 2020

NESSA'S POV

i just finished a photoshoot and interview with Seventeen, i was going to hang out with Sab today but my mom wanted me to come back home for a bit since i haven't seen her for a couple of weeks.

"mom! i'm here" i shouted walking through the front door.
"in the kitchen!" she yelled back.

as i was walking towards the kitchen, i hear my mom and kels talking and blasting his unreleased music. i absolutely love their relationship, i hope someday I'll find love like theirs.

"hey mom" I say entering the kitchen giving her a hug
"hi my baby. i missed you so much." she said hugging me back tighter.

"hi kels, it's been awhile since i seen you" i said giving him a hug as well
"ness, what's up? how've you been for the past two weeks?" kels asked me

"um things have been doing okay with me i guess, i just finished a photoshoot and interview with Seventeen then i came here to see you and my mom since it's been awhile." i said
"you seem so tired, when was the last time you got actual sleep?" my mom asked in a worried tone

i start to fiddle with the ring on my middle finger, when was the last time i slept properly?

"i don't remember honestly. i've been struggling with my sleep again, i think it's just cause' i am exhausted." i said
"you need to rest janesa. it's not good that you're not getting enough sleep." my mom said giving me a kiss on my head
"i know ma i know. i've been struggling much more with my eating disorder, my depression and anxiety. i went to therapy just yesterday but i have been unable to sleep, i fall asleep at 6 in the morning now sometimes i don't even sleep" i said being annoyed.

i deal with so much with my mental health that i have not once opened up about it to my supporters. it's scary, social media is scary and forever will be. i feel like opening up to them will make people think i am attention seeking or faking it because i am seen as the perfect girl.

"you need to get your mind off of these interviews and photoshoots, it seems like that shit is stressing you out. Do you do anything that makes you express how you feel?" kels asked me raising his eyebrows
"um.. no i don't" i lie

"janesa, tell colson what's your stress reliever. He might help you with it, especially industry wise." my mom says
"i don't know ma.. i would love to be open with it but i don't think i'm good at it. i just write how i feel" i said nervously

"she has another stress reliever? i thought it would be her vape or weed" kels laughed a bit
"ok besides her vape and weed, she writes music. she has multiple songs in her book, she has such an angelic voice. i have no idea why she doesn't want to be in studio." She said annoyed

"i mean with her being anxious to the public, it's probably why she does not want to be in the studio. she doesn't want to be heard and then hear criticism from others" he guessed
"yes! that's the exact reason, also i'm not good. it's just something i do on my free time." I say shrugging my shoulders.

"you need to start having some confidence. i'm serious, you're truly talented with your angelic voice. colson, when are you going to the studio?" She asked kels
"uhh i was supposed to leave about 10 minutes ago to meet up with travis. you should come with me ness, i'll leave you alone in a room so you can record anything you want or you can just chill with travis and i. i'm pretty sure no one is there today besides me" he said grabbing his keys

"janesa go. it'll be a good experience for you" my mom said walking away

i decided to not argue anymore and just go. i mean what's the worse that can happen? i told kels i will meet him in the car, since i was still in my clothes from this morning so i changed into my hoodie and fishnet tights with my air jordan 1's.