A Silent Scream

Chapter Three: The pain inside

Like a bullet hitting me in the back. The pain came in all at once. Like a knife peircing through my chest, leaving a scar... it stinged me so hard.

I got up from my bed after crying for so long. It was still a sunny day but i chose to shut the blinds. I didn't like sunshine no more. It was hurting my eyes, the darkness just seemed too comforting.

I went downstairs and started writing in my journal, as I decided to take a break from studying for an hour or so. But then my mom came back to add in the fuel.

'You don't do any work. Always writing in the dumb book. Even after you study so much your brain is so small. You can't even get good marks. You cant even smile when you see your relatives. You dont even interact with any one. You can't even talk to people... no wonder your quitting that job. Why did i give birth to some usless one like you?!'

Of course that hurt. All those words killed. They went in me like gasoline lighting up fire. It was all adding up. I tried holding it in to not let loose of my anger.

I am always working hard. Always trying my best. Emotionally im drained . Physically I'm tried. Mentally im exhausted. Yet still working and trying my best. Im the only child of hers who listens to her.yet im the one whose always talked about and always treated as trash. Im not spoiled like other children. I don't even depend on my parents. I work for my life. My education. My expenses. I work for my dream. My goals, my marks, i dont cheat. I work hard. Yet still never get appreciated. Yet still am always put down.

I wanted to vent to somone . But who? There was no one left who understood me. My busy best friends, my not so crush asshole friend, my self centered sister or who? No one. I was so used to getting hurt and taken for granted that it didnt even bother me who's left in my life. I didnt wana feel vulnerable when i tell people my problems.

So i went for a walk. As i walked and walked i didnt end up anywhere. I just kept thinking and my emotions were bottled in. But as i recalled his words.that pain came back. As i recalled my mother's abuses the darkness came back. As I recalled me failing, the voices came back.

Its hurting inside. Everything from top to bottom. Everything is painful. I ran to the bridge the one i was looking a year back .. i felt like the same person. But im not. That was a year back. But its so sad. I didn't have any one then and i don't have anyone now. I am the same person whos standing and looking down.... because I still have no one today.

I ran home. I took out that box. That box with all the words. That box with all the emotions. That box with all my failures. That box with my scars. The box with my inside self. It was my box. I called it happy box. It made me sad everytime. But being sad was now my new happy.

As i looked through the box. I finally found the blade.. I slit my wrist. It was all hurting inside, but i couldn't tell the difference if it was pain or relieve.