Taken By Sleep {Joshler} |Completed|

I'll Kindly Enter into Rooms of Depression

I had a few hours before I had to leave, but I didn't want to be rushing and get stressed. I pulled out a black long sleeved button up and my usual black skinny jeans. I looked for some black socks but some red ones caught my eye. Red was Josh's favorite color. I sighed as I picked them out to wear.

Eventually I had gotten dressed and ready to go. I was riding with my parents to the funeral, so I had to wait on them to be ready before I could leave.

On the way there I read over my little speech I had prepared. I tried not to cry as I read it, but it was too much so I had to put it away before I broke down.

When I got to the funeral home I saw a few people were here already. I went inside and saw a line of people to see Josh's casket. I wasn't ready to see him yet. I didn't want to see him yet.

I eyed the crowd and recognized a few people that were in his hospice room. I wondered if anyone from school would come to see him. Just then I heard a small 'hey' from behind me.

I turned around and saw a formally dressed Debbie. I wasn't happy to see her because of my small grudge against her, but I was thankful that she was here. Why wouldn't she be?

"Hey." I spoke quietly, my voice squeaking a little. I don't know what caused it but all of a sudden I had tears on my face and Debbie was holding me.

"Aw Tyler, don't cry." She said.

"How?" I mumbled through sobs.

"Listen I know this is hard for you, but you have to stay strong." She ordered.

I pulled back and wiped my cheek. "I know." I mumbled.

She gave me a sympathetic look and looked down. She wiped her eyes and I could tell that she didn't want to me see, so I didn't say anything about it.

"We can get through this okay?" She said when she looked back up again.

I just nodded and composed myself again, taking deep breaths to calm myself.

We had all moved to another room and it was time for me to speak before I was ready. Josh's dad had just spoken and did surprisingly well for having just lost his son. I was next, and I reluctantly walked up to the podium.

"Good evening. I would just like t-to start off with how..amazing Josh was." I started off. "He was a kind, bubbly, and an innocent human being that didn't deserve this short of a life. He was an amazing and nice person to everyone, not just his friends and family. He was generous and would always want the best for whoever he was with," I praised Josh. I hadn't cried so far, so I kept going.

"I remember staying over at his house and waking up to a wonderful breakfast. He would always make sure we had a nice dinner and made sure that I was happy. Josh comforted me when I needed it, he listened when I needed to talk, and he was a friend when no one else was.

"Now, I know that I haven't been in his life for a very long time. I only met him at the beginning of the year, but that's been enough time for me to see his true beauty and how wonderful he was.

"I know that we all loved him, and that we are all devastated about this, but we have to know that he is in a better place now. He's home. Heaven gained another angel today. God knows his plan for each person, and if this was His plan for Josh, then it was meant to happen. Wherever he is, it be heaven or just not be anywhere at all and just be...gone-he is in a much better place than he was here." I finished. I had teared up but never shed any tears until I walked off the stage.

My mom was right there on the side, holding me as I hugged her tightly. I hated that I had to do that. I hated being here. I hated that he died. I hated that I met him. I hated that I was his boyfriend. I wish I could have just brushed him off and not have taken his help. At least then I wouldn't be here, depressed and lonely.

-

After the funeral we got home at about seven, almost eight. I went up to my room and got dressed in pajamas and ready for bed. I tried to eat a sandwich but didn't have an apatite and ended up throwing most of it away.

I went back up to my room and got in my bed and under the covers. I was exhausted and just wanted sleep.

I rolled onto my back and looked up at the darkness. I reflected on today and how I even got here. All that was going through my mind was memories. From day one to now, everything just came to me and hit me pretty hard. I had been able to stay calm for most of the day, but I couldn't now. My tears just flowed and flowed as I laid there bawling my eyes out.

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This made me really sad as I was writing it, and I hope you guys didn't shed to many tears :) This IS NOT the end either, there is still a little more to come so don't quit reading. I honestly LOVE you guys so so much and I love your comments! Don't forget to vote and comment if you liked it, bye ^_^