Use Me Like A Drug

I Don't Know

You nodded your head and gently grabbed your bag from his hands, pulling out a set of questions to work on. You slid from his bed and sat on his floor with your back leaning against his bed like a chair. He joined you, working on his own homework.

The two of you felt less panicked as you focussed on other things. Perhaps it was the candid thoughts of those outside the door, but when you no longer thought of those, you felt at ease. More calm than you would've felt if you were stuck in that hotel room.

When you got to thinking, your hand stopped moving. You froze for a while as you thought.

Did you even want to go back with them? Would they make you move? You hoped that they wouldn't. It was hard for you to fully process what had happened. These people didn't raise you, but they had continued looking for you for all these years. The people who did raise you had cared for your safety, but when you thought about it, you almost felt as if you were a victim of Stockholm syndrome. You didn't see them as kidnappers. In your eyes, they were your parents. You didn't want to think anymore about what your future would entail. It made you sick. It churned your stomach and made you feel dizzy.

Instead, you moved your books off your lap and grabbed your phone. You'd gotten a notification that Beomgyu had gone live and relief flooded through you like warmth. His velvety voice was pleasing and you couldn't wait to hear him singing songs so happily.

He waved at the camera with a smile. It seemed like no time before he started to sing and dance around his room happily, pretending to play his guitar as he sang. His smile was contagious and you couldn't help but smile too. HueningKai had leaned towards you, watching Beomgyu's livestream. The two of you chuckled every so often at his little antics. He was cut out to do something like this. The two of you could tell that he really enjoyed it. You moved your fingers to comment as he danced around his room, but stopped when you saw a man - his father you assumed - enter his room. Beomgyu didn't seem to notice until his father started yelling.

The front of his shirt was grabbed and he seemed lost for words and reactions. He couldn't say anything as his father berated him. He yelled insults and names at his son, saying that dancing around was a girls thing to do. When Beomgyu didn't have a response, he got yelled at for that too. He cast a single glance toward the camera, displaying the livestream. Comments were flooding in and he was ashamed. His attention was torn away from the camera by a hand striking the side of his face. Beomgyu remained speechless as his father released his shirt with force, storming out of the room. Beomgyu stood still for a moment of comprehension, then he moved to his desk. The two of you assumed he was going to turn off the livestream, but he seemed to have forgotten about it. He leaned on his desk and then in a moment of frustration he slammed his hand down on his keyboard, a sickening thud coming from the appliance.

  He didn't wait a single second before grabbing the guitar that he had previously played around with and he threw it into the wall. It crashed into a bookcase of CDs. He let the momentum carry his body as he ripped a poster off of his wall. He grabbed the record player that rest on one of his shelves and he threw it onto the ground. You and HueningKai couldn't see for sure but by the sounds you heard, it had shattered into pieces. After his outburst, he sat down on his bed for a moment to catch his breath. You held your own breath as you watched him. You saw the comments floating by, making fun of his state. After about a minute, he stood up and stood in front of the mirror and he looked at himself. You expected him to break the mirror but instead he just opened the door to his room and walked out.

  You felt yourself move before you could even think about it. You dropped your phone and left HueningKai's room, running down the stairs and slipping your shoes on, leaving as fast as you could. You didn't know exactly how to get to where Beomgyu lived from where you were, and you'd left your phone and HueningKai's house, but you'd felt so panicked that you were driven by haste. You ran until you found the familiar route to take you to Beomgyu's house. Your throat was dry and your legs burned as you pushed on, your lungs begging you to stop but you never did.

You were still so far away and you were still running when you saw a bike laying in the middle of the road, a person laying next to it. You found yourself recognizing the black and yellow striped scarf and as you grew closer, you recognized the figure who wore it.

He had his scraped hand to his forehead and he was laughing. He had cuts on his face and bruises to match. You almost didn't want to know what happened. Your legs collapsed underneath you as you knelt beside him, taking his other hand in your own.

Your breathing was so erratic as you attempted to calm yourself, but your heart just wouldn't stop pounding against your chest and the worry and guilt rose from your stomach into the back of your throat.

"What're you doing here?" He asked in shock as you grabbed his hand, holding on for dear life. The smile had long since fallen from his face and he had used his scraped hand to help himself to sit up.

"I saw the whole thing," you told him, your breath still inconsistent.

"Oh..." he answered. The smile rose to his face again. "I forgot about that." He began to laugh again.

You saw his eyes well up as he laughed at himself, using his scraped hand to momentarily wipe his face. You couldn't help but bring him into a hug. His giggles then turned into sobs, as he clutched at your work uniform. He buried his head into your shoulder as you hugged him back, offering the same comfort he had once offered you.

"I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do," he blubbered into your shoulder, and you felt like you couldn't offer him anything. "I can't go back, but I can't just leave them there!"

"Can't leave who there?" You asked as your hand rubbed circles into his back.

"My brother and sister..." he started, clutching tighter at the fabric of your uniform. "I just... he was gonna hit them... I didn't mean to... but he was going to hit them..."

  You froze for a moment and stiffened.

  "You didn't mean to what?" You asked, ceasing the gentle circles that you rubbed into his back.

  "I just saw that he was gonna hit them and moved them out of the way. And then he hit me more and I could tell that if he knocked me out he would move to them, so I hit him back and I knocked him out. I panicked. I didn't know what to do so I just ran but now I realize that if he wakes up he'll get to them too and I just..." he breathed out in a panicked tone, his grip tightening until you couldn't breathe.

  "I called CPS and gave them your address. Everything will be fine," HueningKai told Beomgyu as he approached the two of you, almost out of breath.

  And with that, Beomgyu allowed himself to feel a wave of relief wash over him. His sobs were unrestrained as he clutched your shirt and you just knew that you were going to have to bleach the bloodstains from your work uniform.