Safe Haven | Yuji Nishida

What Have I Done?

I felt him pull me towards him, sitting on his lap as I cry on his chest. He was rubbing my back as he continued to apologize, telling me that he will make it up somehow, I doubt it. I'm not sure how long I was crying for, but he continued rubbing my back and telling me that he's truly sorry for missing out. How he's mad at himself for that he didn't get to see me in a hakama. It got quiet until my stomach decided to speak up.

"About that order.." I started.

"What do you want?"

"Takoyaki"

"You need to eat more than that"

"and gyudon"

"Alright, are you still mad?"

"Hmm... ask me that again after I eat"

I got off of him and went back on my chair, rolling it back to my PC while he ordered us food. I decided that I'll be playing Overwatch for the stream and invite a couple of my online friends. I'm still pissed off, but this will be a good way of taking it out.

I was in the middle of the stream when food arrived. Yuji prepared it, putting the gyudon on a bowl for me and putting it down on my desk. People were commenting on how they missed him.

"You guys wanna see him?" I asked my viewers. Most of them said yes. I looked to see what he was doing, before taking my camera to show him.

Yuji was casually sitting on my bed with a bowl of food on hand as he watched something on TV, some Netflix movie.

"He's preoccupied right now" I told the viewers.

Stream continued. It took me longer to finish my food because I had to eat it in between my matches or while waiting on queue for a game. Yuji would stop by and show himself once in awhile before going back on my bed to watch the movie.

It was around 11:30 when I started yawning, Yuji noticed.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Yeah, I need to play a couple more.." I yawned again in the middle of my sentence. He then got infront of the camera and told everyone that I'm tired and needed to sleep since I had a long day. He then kissed the top of my head before turning the TV off.

Everyone on chat went nuts! They kept asking if we were going out, how long we've been going out etc. I told them we weren't and that we're just bestfriends. Someone then mentioned that we may be bestfriend, but with benefits. I mean they're not wrong, but I'm not about to tell them that. I ended my stream after saying goodbye to my viewers.

I joined Yuji on the bed after switching to my pyjamas. He was just on his phone, checking his social media and replying to some messages from his teammates.

"It's late, you should head out soon" I told him.

"Yeah, I should... but... are you still mad?"

Am I? Nah. I'm not, I'm just tired now. That's what I should've told him, but instead...

"Hmm... I don't know, you tell me"

Just like that, we're back in each other's arms. Is it selfish to want him everyday? I've tried to keep my feelings checked, to just see him as a bestfriend and nothing more, but... The way he just makes me feel whenever he's around is undescribeable. I feel safe with him. Happier with him. He makes me feel strong like I could conquer the world in a snap. He's the light in my darkest days and I'm just... I just... I think I'm in love with him.

These feelings of mine will probably not be reciprocated. His feelings belongs to someone else. Does it make me evil to wish that she'll never return? That she'll just stay wherever she went? Or at least find someone else just so I can have Yuji? Then again, even if it does happen, what are the chances that he'll feel the same way? He sees me as a bestfriend, a sister that he has to protect... This situation right now is nothing but physical to him. We both agreed that there's no mental or emotional attachment on this arrangement. Impossible.