Safe Haven | Yuji Nishida

What Have I Done?

I didn't mean for it to go this way, to go this far. That one night should've been enough, but it wasn't. I was not in my right mind during that night and I wanted to actually feel what it was like doing it with him. It's a pathetic excuse, but the second time we did it, that was when I realized that I wanted more. I would've stopped if he stopped me, but he didn't, so I kept coming back wanting more.

I know it's wrong, he's my bestfriend and I know that he likes someone else... but I just feel safe whenever I'm with him. I don't know...

I got up early for graduation day since I had to head over to Mitsu's place so that we can get ready together. I needed help on putting my hakama and fixing my hair while she needed help with make up. It took us about 3 hours to get ready just because we were mostly messing around and dancing and singing to songs. Today is going to be a good day or so I thought...

I waited for Yuji for about 15-20 minutes outside of the auditorium before heading in. The ceremony was simple with a few speeches here and there. All the guys were dressed up in their suit and tie while the ladies were wearing their best hakama for the occasion.

"No sign of him?" Mitsu asked.

I looked around and there's no sign of Yuji. I checked my phone and there's no missed call or messages.

"No" I answered.

She gave me a sad smile before looking back at the stage. I wonder if he's alright. He said he'll come, I even reminded him yesterday.

The ceremony ended, everyone was taking pictures with their friends and family. Yamamoto and I talked for a bit, trying to be civil with one another even for just 5 minutes.

"I know we don't get along and probably never will, but I do know how it feels to not have your parents at events like this" she told me.

"At least you have someone here" I told her as I looked towards her entourage.

"Not family though, just some people my father sent for moral support. Chin up, don't let this put you down. That's my job" she joked.

"Yeah, like how you put up Takemura on going out with me"

She rolled her eyes, "It was just harmless joke. Get over it"

"Serious-" I was about to start an argument with her, but she was lucky enough that Mitsu interrupted us.

Mitsu's family invited me for lunch. I was going to decline, but they insisted. I'm not sure if it's a pity invite or not, but I'm grateful enough that at least I'm not going to be alone, for now.

Mitsu and I parted after lunch. I headed straight back to my apartment and quickly got out of the hakama and undid my hair and make up. I went through the pictures taken today and printed some of them on my Polaroid printer before getting on my PC to search for apartments in Tokyo. Do I have job yet? No, but I'm making enough from my streams to be able to afford a decent apartment and I also have the chance to play field hockey on a much higher level. All I need to do now is to find an apartment...

It was around 5:30pm when I decided to go out to treat myself for dinner. It was also around that time when he decided to show up on my front door.

"Hey" he said.

I didn't reply, I just walked past him.

"Haru"

I put on my headphones and blasted some music as I continue to walk, purposely ignoring him. It's mean and petty, but I'm pissed off at him.

I felt him grab my arm making me face him. He was saying something, probably apologizing for missing the graduation, but like I said.. I have music blasting on my headphones. I just raised my left eyebrow, gave him a nod before walking away. Again, he grabbed my arm before taking my headphones off.