Just You and Me

9. Goodbye

Trigger Warnings
!!D3ath!!

"M-My friend...he....killed himself. He's...dead." I mumbled and I tried to hold back my tears from falling.

"Are you sure he is dead?"

"Yea...he's jumped off the building, and...god damnit."

"It's alright. Stay calm where are you?"

I gave the address, his name, everything the girl asked for while staring at Shirabu's body.

I can't imagine the pain he felt.

I really don't understand. He obviously had something going on, but he seemed to forget, but then it all came back. Maybe it him too hard, or he felt guilty.

I don't know why, and I wonder if it's my fault.

Maybe if I just...I don't know? Stayed with him?

Fuck I just wish...he was standing here still. I could take him to a hospital and get him help, help him start over.

It's too late now though. He's gone.

I don't think I'll ever understand why.

I notice red and blue lights nearing, and a siren screeching louder. Finally I looked away from Shirabu's body and walked to where the police car was, and watched as an officer stepped out.

"Semi Eita?"

"Yea.."

"Can you please show us the body?"

I slowly nodded and walked right back to where I had stood still for so long.

"How are you so sure he killed himself?"

"I...stopped him the first time-"

The first time? Should I have done something to prevent all this? Get him help? I should've done something that first time. If I just listened to him and payed more fucking attention I could've gotten him help. I wouldn't be standing here with his body on the floor in front of me.

Fuck.

"First time...?"

"Right sorry...the first time...he tried to jump off. I got him to come with me, and umm...he took me here. We fought and...he called me mom. He told me before that his mom was abusive and...made him feel like shit just because his father died. I think maybe he had forgotten just how bad it was and maybe something...I said? I said made him remember...a-and..."

It really is my fault then? If I just...was maybe more calm...or tried to reason he wouldn't have done this. He wouldn't have left.

It's my fault.

All of it is my-

"Sir...come on take a breath." I felt the officer pat my shoulder and turned me away from his body, and instead walked me to his car.
"Calms down alright? Stay here." He spoke, and walked back to where the other officer was probably explaining what I had just told him.

This is too much.

Shirabu did fucked up things, but it seemed like his mom did some fucked up shit to him too. But that doesn't make what he did okay, but I think if he just got some help he would be okay. If he got proper support.

Things would've been so much more different.

Now he's dead, and he couldnt get that chance to be okay.

~

I took a deep breath stepping out of the car with flowers in my hand. I wasn't dressed that well, but Shirabu probably wouldn't have cared. I think he'd be happy that I'm here in the first place. I started walking down the path looking for his gravestone and when my eyes spotted it I felt tears on the rim of my eyes.

He's actually dead.

I guess it's just now processing in my head that he's never coming back.

I don't think he deserved to die. He did a lot of bad things, but he shouldn't have had to die, or felt like he had to die.

What pushed him?

Was it me?

Him?

What was it? I really wish I knew.

I wish he was here still talking to me, maybe about how much better he's feeling. Maybe telling me a new fired he met.

Not in a graveyard.

When I stood in front of his grave, I felt a few small tears falling and I blinked more back to prevent me from sobbing.

"I know you had a shitty life here, but wherever you are I hope it's better." I mumbled before placing the flowers next to his grave with a small smile.
"I really do Shirabu."

Maybe I'm starting to go crazy, or maybe I'm just making up things in my head, but it felt like I could hear him.

"I'm okay now." He whispered, at least that's what I heard.

I think I'm just trying to make myself believe he's here still.

"Fuck Shirabu. I hope your okay." I backed away from where I put the flowers.

I stared for another minute or so picturing his body from when I found it, to peacefully laying down now.

"Goodbye."