The Remorse and Hope of a Nationless Boy

Betrayed?

It was a beautiful day. Despite the bitter cold that slapped their faces, it was purely warm. The sun was shining, the sounds of foxes and hilichurles could be heard from in the distance. A warm fire melted away the snow that covered the peak, creating a circle of dirt. The camp was neat and tidy, despite its owner being gone. Yes, it was such a beautiful day. So why did Kaeya feel so cold?

It had been three months since he was exposed. Betrayed by Diluc. It wasn't his fault, Kaeya reminds himself, it was my own doing. However, he'd never expected Diluc to reveal his secret, or for the rest of Mondstadt to react the way they did. It wasn't that he'd assumed they'd forgive him or let him stay, he just...hadn't been prepared.

"You're a disgrace to the Knights. Leave, and never come back."

The words of the acting grandmaster still consumed his thoughts a lot of the time. The way she'd said it.... It was as if there was no regret in her eyes, not the slightest hint of remorse. Had their relationship really meant that little to her? Stop it. It's your fault, not theirs. Kaeya insisted to himself. He was the traitor, the one who should have been executed. It was a miracle, and something due to his connections, that he'd only been banished. But still.... He couldn't pretend he didn't hurt, but luckily, here on Dragonspine, he didn't have to. He'd seen fear in Amber's eyes, when he'd been brought to that suffocating room on his knees, she'd been there. She along with Lisa had watched Jean decide his fate. Lisa hadn't looked sorry, but then again, Kaeya had never been close to her, and she wasn't one for showing emotions. Amber, however, she was just a burning ball of thoughts. Just like her pyro vision her soul was ever burning, and even her hatred couldn't hold back the years of memories he'd shared with her.

Albedo had let him stay in his camp. Kaeya wasn't sure why, but soon after he'd been banished Albedo had approached him. Kaeya had been wandering around aimlessly in the rain. Where was he to go? He had no one left and no place to call home. He'd been considering walking in the camp of hilichurles a few hundred metres ahead before Albedo stopped him. He told him he had a place on Dragonspine he could stay. Isolated, somewhere where everyone would be protected from him. Kaeya had never really known the alchemist, but from the way he said it he decided that Albedo could understand where he was coming from. The Alchemist was also harbouring a secret, one Kaeya wouldn't try and discover.

He sighed and threw another stick into the fire. He'd been realizing that the cold was starting to bother him more and more now. Having a Cryo vision, he was somewhat expected to be able to withstand the cold, and before he'd adjusted his body to do so. Now, however, he felt as if his blood needed to boil. Perhaps this is how Diluc felt, he wondered with a chuckle. When they were younger, Diluc would always get up early and make a fire downstairs. Kaeya never liked waking up warm, so he'd always come down half an hour later and put it out. This often made Diluc fussy and annoyed, but Kaeya learned to enjoy doing it just to see his brother's reaction. Brother... How funny he still thought of Diluc that way, they were far from brothers. Kaeya hadn't mourned for Diluc's father, he had no right to be considered part of their family.

"I wonder.." Started Kaeya. He knew no one was here to listen to him, but it made it that much easier to say.

"If it would have been better if I never received this stupid vision..." he breathed to himself, looking down at the pointless piece of power he'd thrown to the side. He hadn't worn it, hadn't used it since he'd been exposed. It all would have been over so quickly if only his ambition could have gone unnoticed. Ambition. What did the word even mean? What did it represent? People's ambitions changed throughout their life and often go through times where they lack it. For example, when Diluc received his vision he wanted to be a Knight of Favonious, to make his father proud. Now, well, Diluc still wanted to make his father proud, but by no means did he want to become a Knight. His ambition changed, yet the vision stayed the same. What flimsy little thing. Kaeya wasn't sure what his ambition was, or what it had been when he received his vision.