I don't want this forever {Sope}

Y

Pov: Jung.H

Love...
What is that? I haven't experienced love in a long time. Not even my partner loves me but do I care no cause my love for him has dwindled.

Love is not a joke.
You can go so far just to get no where. I've tried and they all failed. So instead of loving him why not fuck with him for the time being until he's fed up. To the point he kills me himself or us both together.

Love that seems so romantic.
To go down together because of our hatred for each other. Love is so confusing but I believe this is correct. You fall in love, treat each other with everything you got until you give them your worst side. We must have given each other so much love to now share our hatred for one another. God I love..."hate!".....love him so much!

I want love to die.....

I want him to die...

I want me to die....

I want out of the forced trap..."No you don't!"
NO I don't WANT out I love..."hate" him with all my heart. I'll die for him he will die for me.

He already has a gun we both bought together. It was such a cute moment we fought cause I was caught hooking up with his ex friend now. We fought, harmed, and called each other mean names. He then grabbed a knife and put it at me saying he would kill me if I left him. So I responded I'll kill us if we left each other. We smiled went out and bought a gun together. Walked out hand in hand but as we got home still went back to our ways.

I love, love so much... Who knew it would be so fake.

My friends said to leave him but little do they know if I leave I die and so does he. And if he leaves he only dies I still stay alive so I can die of lost and heart break. His words and I find it so kind he wants me alive till I die...well until I get the gun from my broken heart. But if I told my friends they would call the cops. He wasn't happy when they were called before.

Neither was I cause that meant a beating from him later. My friends just had to get in the way I might leave the for him so he can be happy. He left his friend for me so I wouldn't fuck him again. He's so thoughtful I hate it. He never said "I love you" I've said it once and only once. It was in the middle of him having a breakdown and I told him I did but he just left for a while after that.

He came back drunk and forced me to drink with him. I ended up doing so leading us to have a physical fight leading to a night of angry sex while still intoxicated. So sweet am I right "No!" I wonder how my life would be if I never met him. "I would he happy."

I don't wanna think that cause I'm happy where I am. I hate him he hates me. I love him he hates me but still is with me. I think he's still warming up even though it's been a year. It's fine I'll wait I wait for him forever. I'll kill him or me just to prove how much I'll wait just to hear those words "I love you"

But wait... I hate love?
I hate him?
I hate me....