Roses Are Red

Voodoo (Dazatsu) Pt. 2

"You obviously need much more rest before you even think about going back to work." The doctor huffed.

"I've wasted two days." Atsushi murmured softly. "As long as... it's cut from my pay, I guess it's okay."

Yosano groaned. "You're too sweet for your own good, Atsushi. You should be worrying about your own health, not the agency right now. You look like you're dying."

  "That's silly. My regeneration ability won't let that happen." He let out a pathetic laugh. Yosano placed him back on the couch.

  "Atsushi."

  Atsushi froze and looked at her. "You know you can tell me anything... right? And I won't spill the beans..?" She extended a gloved pinky. Atsushi gave a soft sigh and nodded, interlocking their pinkies before Yosano sat down. Attentive.

  "It's kind of embarrassing to say..." Atsushi mumbled. "I.. well.. when I left suddenly the other day and Dazai checked in on me. He.. he admitted his feelings to me." Atsushi said softly, face going warm. "Uhm... then he made love to me." He said softly. But the embarrassing aspect was replaced with tears and sadness. "And that's it. That's all. He won't look at me. Won't talk to me. He left without a word the next morning. No aftercare, and my whole body hurt so badly." Atsushi curled up under the blanket.

  Yosano knew something was off with Dazai. When Atsushi said he admitted his feelings... she didn't believe it. Dazai was a different type of twisted. But to use Atsushi...? "It wasn't first time too." He sniffled. Yosano felt the anger of the situation start to swell up in her. That mother fucker.

  "Atsushi. Lay here and rest. I'll be back shortly with food and drink." Yosano said softly. Doing everything she could to hide her anger. Atsushi whimpered and nodded. Closing his eyes, attempting to sleep.

  Then Yosano went back to the agency, slamming the door open. A dangerous aura that made pretty much everyone in the room panic. "You."  Yosano glared daggers at the brunette, who swallowed thickly as she beckoned him with a finger. Oh God, he was dead. He quickly got up and walked over, and she slammed the door once the two were out in the hallway. He was quickly met with a slap to the face.

  "Women are scary." Dazai murmured, rubbing the red mark on his face as he stood up straight.

  "You fucker." All at once Dazai felt like he knew what was going on now. Yosano had taken Atsushi home. And had come back. Furious at Dazai. And he'd never seen her genuinely curious before. "How dare you? He put his trust in you, and you took advantage of that? Of him? And you're full on ignoring him now after leaving him in a world of physical, emotional and mental hurt? It was his first, you inconsiderate dick." Another slap.

  Dazai took a small breath. "..I shouldn't have.."

  "Shouldn't have what?"

  "I shouldn't have told him." He leans his head back slightly, rubbing the even redder mark on his face. "I told him I loved him. But I don't even know if that's true, because I don't know what it is." He lowered his head to look at the infuriated woman. Dazai seemed so calm. "..but I didn't want him to think I didn't love him in that moment. So I said I did... and then the next morning.. I panicked."

  "You panicked?" Yosano scoffed.

  "You wouldn't understand. But don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not saying what I'm doing is good. I'm a bad person. I've recognized that. But you know me better than most Yosano." His tone becomes more serious. "You know I can't handle human affairs well." He closed his eyes. "I panicked. I didn't know what to do when I woke up. Aftercare? It was like a foreign language to me. I just left. And I've been ignoring him. Because I don't know how I'm supposed to talk to him after that. Because it's weird. I feel weird."

  Yosano crossed her arms. "You feel weird because you had felt loved. God, men are so tone deaf. Emotionally dense. You're panicking because you're feeling a pure emotion you've never felt before. And you know it, too."

  Dazai huffed, slowly nodding and looking away. "Go apologize to that poor boy right now." Yosano growled. "Make it up to him. Explain it to him. And stop being a pussy."

  "...yes ma'am." Dazai murmured softly. He knew she was right. He needed to confront this. And to apologize to Atsushi.

  On his way to Atsushi's apartment, he stopped. Sighing. "I can't do this." Dazai murmured, turning right around and going back to his own apartment instead. An overwhelming sense of dread took over his being when he returned home. But he ignored it. Dazai could do it, it would just have to be in his own time.

  Dazai ended up passing out. But the moment he closed his eyes he felt like they opened. It was morning already? He groaned and sat up, stretching. There's that dread again. Eugh.. he brushed his hair and didn't change clothes seeing as that's what he wore yesterday to work and to bed. Nothing new for Dazai. He didn't like this heavy feeling that dragged on and on and on until he got to the agency office. He opened the door and smiled brightly. "Good morning every—!" Dazai's smile faded nearly instantly. "..one.."

  "You couldn't have known." Tanizaki murmured lowly, to a doctor sobbing at her desk.

  "I should've! I should've known! I'm a doctor, what the hell good am I for if I didn't know!?" Yosano practically yelled, water pouring out of her eyes. Tanizaki... was crying too..?

  Kunikida's back was to Dazai. He couldn't see him. But... he didn't need to to know he was crying. Kenji looked mortified. And the President, his face was contorted in a mixture of misery and confusion and pain. "What happened?" Dazai took a step in.

  Yosano looked to the brunette, sniffling, wiping her nose as she ugly cried. She couldn't bring herself to say anything and only sobbed louder.

  "Atsushi... committed suicide." Kunikida said. The strain in his voice was obvious.

  And Dazai didn't say a thing. He ran out of there. Ran and ran until he was at Atsushi's apartment. It was a lie. Atsushi wasn't dead. The poor thing didn't have balls to kill himself. Right? Right? Right?

  It's all my fault.

  I should've prevented it.

  That dreadful feeling...

  What would've happened if I went last night?

  Would he be alive?

  Dazai felt an unfamiliar heat rise in his eyes and it wasn't until he was staring at Atsushi's body hung up on the ceiling that he realized he was crying. He stared at the lifeless body. "At... sushi...?" His voice cracked and he slowly stepped in, closing the door behind him.

  "..okay. Funny joke. Now get down." Dazai's whispered shakily, daring to stand on the stool Atsushi had to untie the rope. Atsushi's body fell limp to the ground. Dazai caught him. "Atsushi... okay. Funny. Real funny."

  More tears fell and fell as Dazai's head hung over the dead weretiger. He lets out an agonizing cry. This was his fault. It all happened because of him. If he hadn't left him, hadn't made him feel like shit, like a toy— if he hadn't used him- if he'd been there last night. The what if's played in his mind over and over and he hated it so much. So so much. "Atsushi..." he sniffled.

  "I loved you."

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I haven't really written an angst chapter so here