It seems like I've only just met you?
Like we just said our first
"I love you"
Every kiss feels like the first time
all over again.
The racing heart
The adrenaline rush
The sweet bliss...
You make me feel real.
You make me whole
even when I'm sad.
You do make me sad.
The things you've done to my heart
they hurt.
But I go on as always
and forgive you as always.
And I still count
all the nights you spent with her
when they ask how long we've been together.
674 days.
Including the ones where I told you
that life wasn't worth it anymore.
Including the ones where you told me
what a great date
you had been on that day.
Including the ones where I would spend
stalking both your social medias.
Your stupid bios and stupid profile pictures and stupid posts.
Including the nights I hated you.
When you asked me for pictures
while on call with her.
I wonder if she was sleeping.
Or if you were in the middle of a conversation.
Maybe she was sending pictures too.
Could you tell the difference?
Was she better than me?
Skinnier?
Lighter?
Less?
Or was she more?
Was she better than me because she had more to touch?
More to grab?
More to love?
Did you like her because she was like me?
That's my worst fear.
That you didn't leave me because I wasn't enough
But that she was simply better for you.
When I don't think about these nights
I'm okay.
I'm just so caught up
in our stupid teenage romance
to even remember those nights.
But when it's late at night
and you're asleep
and I'm innocently scrolling on Instagram
sometimes her name comes up.
And I see her new stupid profile
with a new stupid boy
and I hope this one treats her better
than you treated us at the time.
I think you learned your lesson.
Although sometimes I wonder
if it will happen again
and at the blink of an eye,
you'll be gone again.
And by then
I'll be so far gone
that I just might not come back.
For a very
very
very
very
long
time.
55 days until 2 years.
Not including...
