Abyss of the Shrine Maiden

Revelations

“Guys shouldn’t either.”

“...Suko?”

“I put him to bed before I came here. And he usually takes care of himself in the morning.”

“Oh… Rei let you in, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“...I’m sorry you have to see me like this. I’m sorry for a lot of things today I did to you. I...am so used to living without you, and you’re used to living with me. I didn’t snub you on purpose.”

“I understand now, really.”

“No. Don’t let me off so easy. If anything, if I look back to earlier today, I should have seen conflict between you and Rika happening. It wasn’t something I considered when I came home from the Ocean Turtle, but all things considered… That’s my fault too. I was asked to make a choice when I left and came home without doing so. No… No, I did make one, then everything got screwed when you showed up and I spent two centuries in the Underworld.”

Koharu feels her grip slack a bit. “You chose Rika?”

“I don’t remember. I was so focused on saving the Underworld twice that I doubt I made a clear decision. And I don’t remember my time during those two centuries, yet I know that version of me lived his life. He loved two women, to be exact. I don’t remember what he did, only the result when I returned. He made many tough choices I think, even regarding Kazuto and Asuna. For some reason, I feel a pang of regret when I see them sometimes.”

“Asuna said as much. That something happened down there.”

“Mhm… I know why you’re here, not to listen to me talk about love and forgotten memories.”

“No… I mean, I… I rather you talk to me about anything rather than sitting alone in the dark. If you want to sit in silence, that’s fine, I just...want to be here with you.”

Joshua scoffs and finally raises his head to her, bearing a short smile. “In life and death, you can’t leave me alone.”

Koharu frowns. “That’s mean.”

“It’s true. But I’m happy you’re physically here. I’m...tired of being alone.”

“What do you mean? You had--”

“I’m tired, that is, of being alone with Asuna and Kazuto. I don’t know if they know it, Kazuto might remember it since it was before the war, but I confessed my jealousy of them. I think, down there, I found any means possible to stay away from them. I think that’s why I enjoy being in GGO with Crimson Squad, I’m separate from them. At first, I thought it was jealousy of their relationship, but I had Liz, so it wasn’t the lack of romance. It was after Asuna was rescued from ALO, or maybe during that time, that the real jealousy set in. Ordinal Scale brought it back up, and Underworld, in an opposing way, set it off again. SAO, ALO, Origin, Underworld, Real World, they had each other. They had their one true partner, their one true love, and I...had substitutes. All I did was put people in place of you so I’d feel better. Rika, Momiji, Shino, Kotone, Eydis, Medina. Yet, here you are, and I push you away to the side.”

“No, you’re not--”

“I’m not the Jaymes you remember, Ko. He died the same day you did. I betrayed our promise for a month. I killed five people, including your killer, without a second thought, and enjoyed it. To this day, I still haven’t regretted it. I almost killed someone I considered a valued ally because he betrayed me, and I wanted to take the shot. I… As far as I know, I killed Vecta’s real self. I’ve done many things in the name of ‘fulfilling my final promise’ that I’ve become someone else. And now… I’m killing you desires--”

Smack! Koharu’s hand stings so much she has to shake it to rid of the throbbing sensation, but she can't take it anymore. He doesn’t react much besides drooping his head again, but she doesn’t let him escape her verbal punishment. “You may not be the same Joshua I remember, but if there’s anyone to blame for such expectations, it's me. I know you’ve changed, for better or worse, and that’s for me to come to terms with. But you...did what you had to. Yes, you took lives, but because of it, others lived. You saved Rika, no matter what reasoning you had. You saved Asuna and Klein a few months ago, despite what feelings you deeply harbored. So whatever you’ve done, whatever you believe, I don’t care about it. I know you, and I know what made you go to those lengths.

"You may have changed, but underneath it all, you’re still the same Jaymes who did not leave me behind in the Town of Beginnings. The same one who saved Diavel, who partied with me, Asuna, and Kirito, who let Laughing Coffin beat him up to keep me alive, and who did anything idiotic if it meant I could escape and live. That image has not changed. I saw it the moment I set foot in Underworld, that despite all Asuna told me… The boy I love was still himself. Always the protector, if nothing else. As I did when I left you, as I did when I came back to you, and as I do right now, I love you, no matter what you believe of yourself.”

Joshua’s head doesn’t move, but his shoulders slack and his legs stretch out. “You...shouldn’t tell a boy whose dad and grandfather are in the hospital that, you know. He might get a little excited in a crappy situation”

Despite the confession of what truly grieves him, Koharu smiles momentarily at how he plays it off before it drops. “So that’s why your mom called you earlier?”

“Mhm, and while we were playing, Momiji gave me more details. Car crash, dad is banged up but relatively fine, but my grandfather… Doctors don’t know if...well, you can imply.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I guess I can’t hide myself from someone who knows me as well as you. But while that plagues me, it's not what worries me most. I wish I could help my dad if the worst comes. He’ll have full control of the company, so he’ll have more matters than struggling for ownership of Project Alicization. It’s funny, though. Four years ago, no, even longer, I cursed having my name tied to RoboTelligence, now here I am, wanting to save what I personally worked on. I think... I think I understand my old man somewhat more nowadays than I did once before.” Joshua sighs and looks up to a digital clock on his desk. “It’s late...and tomorrow is a school day. Where’s your uniform?”

Koharu now realizes how unprepared she was for her excursion here. She considered the possibility she may not return home tonight, but she didn’t prepare for it beyond her brother’s wellbeing. “Haha, well…”

“Koharu, you dummy.”

Although he’s right (for the moment) she pouts and side-eyes Joshua. “You’re dumb.”

Joshua chuckles as he pushes himself up to his bed. “Yeah, well… Momiji’s old room is down the hall. If you need to, the shower’s good...so…” Koharu knows she should get up and go, he’s implying that order himself, but she doesn’t feel like it. Instead, she sits by Joshua, silently eyeing him with her desire. He doesn’t argue back, but she can see his unwillingness. “Fine, but...as long as that’s what you’re sleeping in.” Koharu didn’t change out her T-shirt and shorts from when she came home before booting up Origin, and she has slept with Joshua before in similar clothing as per their agreement in SAO. He gets up and lets her slip underneath the covers first. He follows, leaving a little space between them plus turning his back to her, and turns off the light.

For a few moments, Koharu believes Joshua to be asleep, so she scooches just a little closer and places her forehead on the nape of his neck. His jolt alerts her that he is awake, but he doesn’t speak against her actions. Instead, he says something else entirely. “Ko.”

“Hm?”

“When my family matters are settled, and we find Tia… I want to give Rika an answer. Then I’ll give you that answer too. But I think you’re smart enough to figure it out.”

“I don’t want to be wrong. So I’ll wait for you to say it. But whatever it is, Liz deserves to hear it first.”

“Very well.”

“Goodnight, Joshua.”

“Goodnight, Koharu.”