The Cruel Prince - If I Was Vivi

If I Was Vivienne At the End of The Wicked King

I'm just jumping right in - Vivi is going to be acting like an older sister, so don't be all shooketh if she's really mean to Jude. I feel that it's necessary because it's how I would act if I could talk to Jude

"Jude. You're a dumbass." I tell her. Because she is. "What exactly did Cardan tell you when he exiled you? When can you go back?"

"He said that I forfeit my life if I step foot in Faerie unless I am pardoned by the crown."

I stare at her blankly until the silence is so uncomfortable she has no other choice than to break it.

"Cardan is the crown..." she tells me as if I am a simpleton.

"Yes, I know that! However you married him, did you not?"

"Yes?"

"And in marrying him you became the High Queen." 

"Yes?"

"SO YOU'RE ALSO THE FUCKING CROWN AND CAN END YOUR EXILE YOURSELF!" I yell. All this tomfoolery has made me snap and lose what little composure I had left.

"You don't think I'm aware of that, Vivienne?" Jude replies sarcastically. I actually did not think she was aware of that.

"Cardan wouldn't have made the terms of ending my exile that simple - he's much too clever for that," Jude explains as if it makes sense. It doesn't.

"Oh my gawd, Jude." I am past the point of exasperation now. "Cardan is unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you, he definitely made it that easy. Maybe you don't recall, but according to what you told me, you murdered his brother, married him, and then you went to meet Orlagh. He didn't really have time to make some clever riddle for you to figure out - with all the grief and confusion and what-not." Jude is being extra slow today.

"Oh, snap. You're right." Jude concludes. "I, Jude Duarte, High Queen of Elfhame, end my exile for the murder of Balekin Greenbriar." Jude announces. She pauses and looks around the room as if expecting something to happen. Nothing does. I don't know what she thinks is going to change in the apartment. 

"I must admit that I expected something more dramatic, but I suppose that will have to do. Now go to your king, little Jude. I'll magic up a pony for you."

We walk outside to a spot suitable for pony-growing, and I say my magical words. The pony grows and Jude clambers up.

"Don't tell anyone how long it took you to figure out you could end your exile yourself. Tell them you needed a couple of days to recuperate from your month of torture under the sea and that you wanted to make a dramatic entrance to announce your queenliness." My advice seems to be mainly selfless and out of my care for Jude and the kindness of my heart, but I don't want to be known as the sister of the girl who could've ended her exile way earlier than she actually did. How embarrassing.

"That's some amazing advice, Vivi, thank you. I will definitely heed that. I'll send you a bird with news of how my entrance back into society went. Bye."

"Bye, Jude," I call after her as she begins to fly away.

I really hope she takes my advice and tells the court that she had to get better first before returning. 

That shit's just plain embarrassing if she reveals how long it took her to figure it out. And she didn't even figure it out by herself.

What a loser.

As you can tell, I'm not a kind person and Jude's dumbness really annoyed me when I first read TWK. I'm glad I was able to rectify that situation by writing this. 

peace out, homies