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It sucks being pregnant, I get invited to so many parties. It's so hard denying the fun. I, however, wanna keep my baby a secrest. I want him to grow up normal, even when life is never normal. I want him or her to grow up to choose their own path to what they want to do with life. I don't want this kid to grow up to hate me. I want my kid to love me and his father.
Today is New Years eve. Right now I'm packing, I'm staying at the estate. My husband's parents and Trixie's parents decided they would throw a New Years Ball. I for one, glad they aren't doing it at the estate because that is like the family house. Found out they are doing it at the second estate we had that was perfect for throwing parties or galas. I won't be going because I'm keeping my pregnancy a secret. Trixie going, she has nothing that could get her son or daughter killed.
I, on the other hand: do. I'm fifty, fifty with my husband. We cobained our underworlds when we got married. The Carringtons organization was going to go back to Jason. He decided he wanted nothing to do with his mafia. So we told them they had an out if they wanted to leave. If they wanted to stay they could join my husband and I. Many people left, not much stayed. Its very understandable, living in a world with watching your back all the time can be a lot. Especially when you have a whole family waiting for you to come back home. We were not stupid enough to let them walk off without signing anything. A contract they had to agree with the Omertá code. They couldn't and shouldn't talk about what they saw with their own eyes.
My parents have been off to New York where we used to live. I made sure they were back safely. I have people watching the surroundings even though we don't live around anybody. Currently it's 7 in the morning, Massimo is off taking a shower. I'm trying to finish packing our bags. It took a lot of convincing to Massimo to even to let me do this. Aye, as he said, "whatever makes you happy, neonata, I'll grant you what makes you happy." I sure do take advantage of that a lot.
T: Baby girl
It's so warm right now in the house, once we go out it's going to be very cold. Lately it's been in the 30's or 20's weather. I always was so fond of the cold, the snow, anything that's cold. I just hate how I get cold. Massimo was all up on my stomach, talking to our baby about: how's he gonna spoil him or her. I'm just ready to give birth.
The sound of the water being turned off, as I finished packing our bags. Seeing as we have to be at this new estate no later than 10 we can kill some time. I walk to look outside the window enjoying the wind passing by, the trees move slowly to the right as leaves pass by. I touched the glass window that was cold because of the weather outside. "Well," I looked down at my stomach that was big and around, it was low. I heard from my mom that if it's a girl it'll be higher than it does with a boy. Nonetheless, I'm not sure if I should trust what my mother told me or not. "I'm ready for you to come out, my love. Just please, give me a notice or something before you do." I chuckled lightly. "I'm really scared to become a mother. I thought I would be okay with it by now, however, I'm scared if the same shit with Hezekiah or Mardlinna happens to you. Your sister and brother and the one who I lost a while ago before you came. I'm a really shitty mother, I'm not fit to be one. I really wouldn't forgive myself If I lost you too. What if I get you killed? What if I do something I shouldn't? What if-" I couldn't finish what I was going to say. I'm thinking to negative here, but it's the truth.
