Lifestory

#1

Earphones in, and problems in.

First month of 2022, trying not to breakdown but tears starting to fall.

Questioning myself, questioning what happened. Why? What? How? When?

Why did it happen?
What really is happening?
How did it happen?
When it'll stop?

All I can say is I don't know. I really don't know or I don't want to know.

Only reminds of you...

Is it really you the problem? Or just me? Or is it us?

Are you the toxic one? Or me?

I'm thinking you're the redflag, but what did I do something to make me think you're a redflag person? Or I was just overthinking? I don't know, I'm only saying what is my point of view.

What's real reason behind? Just the family or the trauma? Or just reasoning. Or it might be you.

Thinking what to do for tomorrow but ending up not to do it. I just wanna stop thinking what to do, I don't even want to do it anyway.

How does it feel? I'm alone and feel lonely. I'm with someone, I don't know her personally. We don't talk, I don't even wanna talk to her.

I just wanna disappear right now. I don't know if I'm ready to die or I just wanna be notice, just like what I've read said.

Why does it feel heavy everyday? I don't wanna lifted it. I don't even want it.

You really don't know how people will affect you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Even if they say that you should focus on yourself. Nevermind someone else opinion? But when you hear it, it affects your mood or even your decision.

Everything you see can affects you, even if you hear it.

What should I do? How come I end up like this?

Am I dreaming? How to wake up from this worst life? Is it really worst? Or I'm just worsening it?

Why are we realizing only when we're alone or sad? Is this really the main purpose? But when happy we forgot everything. This is ridiculous.

Am I hungry? Or just thinking of the food I like to eat.

I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears, so tired of wishing...so sad and slow

Are we tired? Or just thinking we just tired?

Are we really in-love? Or just romanticizing the word 'love'? There's a really deep and long explanation about that word, and people have different perspective about it, based on what they see, hear and experience.

Me? I really don't know if I'm in-love or just I need someone to be with. I'm just scared to be alone, to feel lonely.

It's a long day. Just wanna remind you that it's okay to question, I also did it and it's normal. Let's hope to find the answer on our question, and sleep at peace. Don't stop thinking, just don't make it a habit, it will lead to something you know. I just wanna sleep for now.